Going To The Doctor

Doctors...ugh...

I hate going to the doctor's office.  I get tense, my blood pressure shoots up, and I usually find myself sitting in the waiting room brainstorming ways to get out of the dreaded weigh-in. (I'm still working on that one, but I'll let you know if I come up with a good one.)

Today was no exception. 

I sat in the waiting room flashing ahead to the shame that was about to befall me, the inevitable lecture that I was sure to get from the doctor about my weight, and all the excuses that I could give to help explain away why I weigh about twice what I "should". 

As I nervously waited to be called back, I thought back to last year's appointment when my doctor in California (who managed to secure her place on my "shit list") lectured me about how I needed to exercise and eat right (um...duh...what do you think I've been doing???), and rather rudely informed me that she couldn't perform a proper pelvic exam on me because of my weight, and that if there were any cysts or tumors we'd find them down the road if I had trouble getting pregnant.  Um...thanks for that delightful commentary...bitch!

So, back to today's appointment...

It started out much the same as most appointments do - with me averting my eyes as the digital number on the scale crept up, with a blood pressure reading that made the fact that I was able to walk down the hallway without having a heart attack seem like a medical miracle, and with me trying to convince Tiny Nurse that I really do have low blood pressure...really...I DO!!!

Tiny Nurse assured me that the doctor could take my blood pressure again at the end of my appointment, but that I shouldn't worry too much about having high blood pressure (apparently she didn't hear that I have LOW blood pressure).

I'll spare you all the delightful details of the rest of my appointment, but I will say that I enjoyed speaking with a doctor about as much as one can expect to in that situation.

There was no guilt, no smug lecture, actually, no mention of my weight or the fact that I need to lose a heap of it. 

I love this doctor!!!!!

There need to be more doctors like her!  Doctors who realize that patients like me are all too aware of the fact that we need to lose weight and having skinny assholes people like them pointing it out only makes us feel worse.  Doctors who understand that pointing out my weight problem will basically guarantee that I'll be knee deep in comfort food by the end of the day!  Doctors who don't make me want to cry!

And...to top off my positive experience...at the end of my appointment I got my vindication...my blood pressure was 125 over 75 - take that Tiny Nurse (who was actually delightful).

So, the important lesson that I learned today is that there are actually nice medical professionals out there whose sole purpose is not to make those of us with extra junk in the trunk (and belly, and arms, and thighs) feel like the lazy scum of the earth for being heavier than we should be. 

Now all I need to do is lose 50 pounds so that when I go in again next year she'll say "my, look at how thin you are" (here's hoping).

Winning Streak

If I was a professional baseball team, you could say that I'm on a winning streak!  Even though it is the weekend, the time when I want to be lazy, I have stuck to my workouts!!!

Yesterday, though I wanted to sit my ass on the couch and veg, I did the bike for 20 minutes (5.5 miles again)! 

Today, rather than start off my day with a shower, I threw on my workout clothes and did my Biggest Loser workout again.

Thankfully, as I had hoped, the workout was (just a little) easier, and I was huffing and puffing (just a little) less.

I'm on a roll, baby!!! 

Where is this new motivation coming from, you might ask?  It honestly has nothing to do with New Year's resolutions.  It has more to do with the fact that I've got a doctor's appointment in a few weeks, and I want to be able to counter any lectures on my weight with "I've already lost (fill in the blank) pounds this year".

I'm also looking ahead to a trip out west in May - first a conference in Vegas, followed by a quick trip to California and Salt Lake City with Ben.  Not only do I not want to go through the stress of squeezing my ass into a seat on an airplane (with my boss sitting right next to me), but I'd also love nothing more than to hear "wow, you look great" or "have you lost weight?" from some of the friends and family members that we'll be visiting.

The trick for this week will be deciding whether to wake up early to exercise, or commit to working out in the evenings before dinner.  That remains to be seen. 

Gotta keep this streak going....

Baby Steps

I'm on a roll...or what I feel could be the beginning of a roll. 

Last night I did my bike for 20 minutes (5.5 miles, thank you very much)!  It was the first time in a while, shamefully, but I was glad I did it.

Tonight, when I got home, rather than getting into my jammies (which has become my evening ritual), I got into my workout clothes, closed myself in our guest room, and did my 25 minute Biggest Loser workout! 

So...now I just need to keep the momentum going.  That's the challenge - taking baby steps, slowly getting into a routine, and trying to figure out ways to stay on track even when the schedule changes.

Tomorrow will be a challenge.  After work we're meeting friends for dinner at Olive Garden (mmmm...salad and bread sticks - fortunately, I'm more excited about the salad), but I'm sure by the time we get home, I won't feel like working out.  So, I need to decide whether I'd rather get up early and exercise in the morning, give myself an evening off, or try to muster the motivation to get back on the bike after downing (what I expect will be) several helpings of salad, ravioli, and (just maybe) dessert.

Exercise is one of those things that I never regret doing.  Sure, it's a pain in the ass, I hate getting all sweaty, and it's so much more tempting to stay curled up on the couch...but I've never finished a workout and thought to myself "boy, that was a waste of time". 

That's what I need to remember - that sense of accomplishment that I get when I finish a workout!

Again...it's all about the baby steps.  I'm not going to tackle a huge food makeover and try to start a dramatic exercise routine all at the same time. 

At this point I'm so out of shape that during the initial "just step side to side with me" part of the workout video, my hips were starting to burn.

Just another sign that I need to take this slowly and go at my own pace. 

Yes, I was winded by the end.  Yes, the sweat was pouring off of me as if I'd just stepped out of the shower.  Yes, my legs feel like spaghetti.  But next time it will be a little bit easier.  I'll be a little less winded, a little less drenched in sweat, and a little less likely to collapse in the kitchen as I chug water.

Baby steps and little victories - that's what I'm about!

Back In The Saddle

For the first time all year (and keep in mind it's only been 11 days), I hopped back into the saddle, or rather, onto my bike. 

I've been out of my exercise routine for a while now, and though the evidence was right there (my tight jeans, my ever-chubby-cheeks looking even chubbier, the extra jiggle to my jello)...I've been secretly hoping that somehow I'd magically lose these extra pounds without having to do anything.

Haha...yeah right!  I know better than that!

I'm not that girl.  I've never been one of those lucky bastards who gets stressed and LOSES weight.  One who can eat a plate of cookies or a tray of brownies and still fit into my pants the next day.

Haha...not me! 

No, I'm the girl who gains 10 pounds if I even think about a chocolate chip cookie or a single brownie. 

So, despite my urges to hit the snooze button every morning, and happily sit on my couch every night after work, I'm going to get my ass back on track.

I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record...but I MEAN IT this time! 

I ride 5.5 miles this evening - go me!  I'm planning on dusting off my exercise dvds and giving those a try tomorrow.

Wish me luck...again!!!

The New Year

It began several weeks before Christmas. 

We all noticed it, even if we didn't acknowledge it.  It was there on the radio, on tv, in magazines...

The pressure to "lose weight in the New Year".

Bastards! 

As if I don't have enough to worry about this holiday season, you're already slamming me with images of skinny women who once weighed 300 pounds and now fit into a string bikini, infomercials about "the new revolution in home fitness", and endless runnings of Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and Nutri System promos.

I feel like going on strike!

I know I need to lose weight, and yes, jump-starting the process on January 1st would be a lovely idea if I didn't mind joining a class or going to a gym with all of the other "I'm so motivated to lose weight this year" people who will inevitably misplace their ambition sometime in March.

I don't want to participate in the cliched "New Year's resolution to lose weight".  I don't want to be one of the millions of people who misplace their motivation and rattle off excuse after excuse for why I didn't lose weight this year. 

Not me!  No way!

That being said, I DO want to make changes.  I DO want to lose weight this year.

But, I'm going to do it on my terms, and because I want to, not because everyone else is participating in the same half-baked plan to make this the year that we FINALLY lose the weight that we've been battling.

Exercising: Plus Size Style

One of the biggest problems I have found during my journey to a skinnier (less fat) me, is the exercising.  

Aside from the process of actually mustering the motivation to get off my lazy keester and do something, I find that the act of exercising is the challenge.  

I would love nothing more than to go to a weekly Step class, or aerobics, or heaven forbid...Zumba!  Time and cost not being factors, I would love to have something that I enjoyed that I could go out and do, preferably on my way home from work 2 nights per week.

But...I'm too self conscious!  

Several years ago, when I lived in Columbus, I went with my neighbor to her Spin class.  Now, keep in mind, this was about 5 years and at least 75 pounds ago.  

It was the worst hour of my life.  I was humiliated!  My ass didn't fit on the seat of the bike, I was sweating like a pig, and I was so sore that I could barely walk to the car after class - meanwhile, tiny stick insect girls were happily bouncing up and down on their bikes, complete with flawless make up and a noticeable lack of sweat.

It's not a coordination thing.  I played sports, I took dance classes - I'm pretty sure I can rhythmically step from side to side while moving my arms around. 

It's the fact that group fitness classes are seldom geared towards those of us who live at the plus sized end of the spectrum.  We're unceremoniously thrust into a class with women who are "trying to get back to a size 2".  Um...I'm trying to get my size into the low double digits! 

That's what someone needs to come up with - a class specifically for folks with too much junk in the trunk.  They'd make a fortune!  And, no, Richard Simmons and "Sweatin' to the Oldies" doesn't count...although....

Here's what I want:

Low impact
All-inclusive workout (strength, flexibility, cardio)
Does not require moves that my extra baggage will not allow (low lunges, crunches, jumping jacks - nobody wants to see this bouncing around)
Minimum weight requirement of 200 pounds.  

And none of this "all fitness levels are welcome" bullshit!  Instead, it needs to read "suitable for those who will sweat like a pig, will be tired and ready for a break 10 minutes in, and may require the use of an oxygen mask following class".

Now, THAT'S a class that I'd pay money for!  

Until it exists, I think I'm stuck with needing to lose weight before I sign up for a class to help me lose more weight - there's something very wrong with that...

Tight Jeans

Tight jeans...we've all been there. 

You do your laundry, you dry your jeans, and they shrink!  So, before you can attempt to button them, you have to do that thing where you bend over, squat, and lunge to stretch them into wearable condition.

This happened to me this week.  I pulled on my trouser jeans for work and felt like I was pulling them on straight out of the dryer...

...except...they weren't straight out of the dryer.

Nope...my jeans, magically, inexplicably, (and likely at the hands of the same evil elves that work my scale), shrunk practically overnight.  Yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Damn you, little elves!

My jeans are my barometer for whether I'm gaining, losing or maintaining my weight.  So, judging by the amount of "sucking in" I had to do to squeeze my ass into them...I'd say I've definitely gained in the last week or so.

Ugh!!! 

Tight jeans are the worst, probably because there's no ignoring them.  They don't stretch, they don't give, and you can't escape the urge to jam a straw into your thigh and start sucking out the fat (or is that just me?)

I know it's the holidays...and gaining weight is practically a requirement...but I was sooo hoping that it wouldn't happen to me!

So, tonight, instead of eating dinner and vegging out in front of the tv with a dish of ice cream, Ben and I threw on our work out clothes, walked down to the apartment complex clubhouse and worked out in the gym!!!!!

I'm hoping to be (comfortably) back in my trouser jeans soon!