Emotional Eating

Hi, my name is Erin, and I am an emotional eater. 

I know this about myself.  If I'm stressed, upset, sad, or even happy, my first impulse is to find food.  Whether it's to celebrate or to console myself, food is where I turn, it's my safety blanket. 

Good news at work?  Let's go out to celebrate!  Having a bad day?  Let's eat some comfort food!  Feeling stressed out?  Ice cream makes that all better!

The sad thing is that while I understand this about myself, I'm not quite sure how to rectify it.  Aside from arming Ben with a hockey stick and some football pads for his defense as he tries to keep me out of the kitchen during such times, I don't know why I turn to food, or how to stop.

Unfortunately, I don't find that I'm drawn to healthy foods.  You'll probably never hear me complain about being stressed out, and how I'm craving some carrot sticks!  I go for the good stuff!  I want ice cream, pizza, crackers and cheese, more ice cream (yeah, that's a big one for me), or candy. 

Alas, I believe that recognizing the problem is the first step towards getting over it!  For now, I'll have to keep my weight loss goals at the front of my mind, and try to continue to make good choices, rather than rush for a tub of mint chocolate chip every time things get rough!

On a positive note, I managed to stick with my daily exercise routine through the holiday weekend!  Hoping to keep up the good work this week in order to see some good results on the scale for this week's weigh in.

Weigh In # 2

Today finds me basking in a satisfying mixture of relief and excitement following this morning's weigh in.

After sticking to a regimen of daily exercise and trying to make smart food choices (without restricting myself), I am actually beginning to see results. 

As of this morning, I have lost....drum roll please.....3 1/2 pounds!!!!

While it is only a first step, knowing that I finally have the evil numbers on the scale moving in the right direction, I find that I have new motivation!

Even with a holiday weekend ahead of me, I am determined to continue, so as to not lose momentum.  We took the dog for a 2 mile walk this morning, and I plan to hit the treadmill again tomorrow.

At this point, I'm looking forward to seeing some physical results (can't wait for my pants to be looser), but for now, I'll just enjoy this feeling of accomplishment!

Only 46.5 pounds to go!

Confession Time

I feel really good about my weight loss efforts so far.  I'm finding that I'm slightly less tired after a work out,  I have more energy, and working out in the morning helps me make smart food choices throughout the day.

Hopefully I'll begin to see some results, which will only boost my motivation.

So, with all that said, it's strange confession time. 

While I want nothing more than to lose weight, there is a part of me that is terrified.  I'm so scared of working hard to drop the pounds, actually being happy (or happier) with my size, and then gaining it all back.  That to me would be worse than just staying heavy. 

Unfortunately, I know what I'm talking about, because I've been there before.  Time and again, I lose a few pounds, then I gain them back.  A few months later I try again with new motivation, see results, then one cold, stomach flu, or busy few weeks get in the way, and before I know it, I've gained whatever I lost (plus 5-10 bonus pounds). 

So, how do I know this time it will be different?  That once I lose the 50 pounds I'm aiming for, I'll be able to keep it off, rather than slowly putting it back on?  Do I have any hope of finally succeeding in this battle against my body?  Honestly, I don't know.  That's the tough part.  I have no way of knowing whether I'll truly be able to keep the weight off, or if the extra pounds will sneak back on, as they always have, and in a year, I'll be right back where I am today. 

But, I know that I have to try.  I'm hoping that this whole "losing weight slowly over time" thing, setting small goals, working day to day, pound by pound, will help my odds of success.  Only time will tell!

On a happy note - I ordered the West Wing series on DVD today!  It should be here on Friday, which means that once I'm done watching Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, I'll have something wonderful to focus on during my daily dates with the treadmill.

No Break On The Weekend

Why is it always tougher to work out and eat right on the weekends?  Is it the lack of a schedule?  Is it laziness?  Or is it something to do with "having the day off" that we think applies to our weight loss goals as well?  I was good all week, so now I can eat whatever I want...I worked hard, so I'll skip my workout for 2 days, etc.

These are the thoughts that have a little voice deep in the recesses of my mind screaming "Nooooo!  Bad idea!  Danger, danger, danger!!!"

I was talking with my friend today, and we both agreed that the weekends are perhaps the most crucial days in maintaining a routine!  If you slack off on the weekends, then maybe it's a little easier to skip Monday, then you figure Well, I skipped Monday, so skipping Tuesday is ok too, and before you know it, you're a week or two off schedule, and basically having to start all over - no thank you!

So, after my successful first week of daily exercise, drinking more water than I thought was possible for an individual, and trying to make good food choices, I decided that I was absolutely not going to slack this weekend!

While the food thing was a little more challenging, especially since Ben and I haven't been on a major grocery shopping trip for a while (yes, grocery shopping is on the "To Do" list), I knew that I could control the exercise. 

We have a wonderful park about 10 minutes from our house, so we took the dog along, and went for a nice 1.5 mile walk yesterday, and a 2 mile walk today!  We kept a brisk pace, and by the end of both walks, all 3 of us were panting like champs. 

Overall, I'll call this weekend a success.  At least my continued effort in the exercise department has kept me on track and I am ready to hit the treadmill again this week!

Weigh In # 1

Well, today was the big day - my first weigh in. 

While I took it a little easy last weekend, I feel like I busted my tail this week - I was up and on the treadmill each morning before work, I added hand weights to my routine, and tried to make some smart choices with my meals. 

So, I suppose part of me expected there to be some drastic change in the number on the scale - even though logically I know that I shouldn't expect to see results after only a week. 

I know you're wondering...what did the scale say this morning????

It was exactly the same as last week - no change. 

While the numbers still read ### (haha, you didn't really think I was going to share my weight did you?), I could hear them saying to me "neener neener, better luck next week, chubby!"  But, despite my frustration this morning, I tugged on my workout clothes, tied up my shoes, and got right back on the treadmill.

Is it wrong for me to have wanted (and kind of expected) there to be a change?  Even a pound?

Am I wrong to assume that because I'm panting like a dog, dripping with sweat, and have a face that looks like a tomato, that I'm getting a good work out?  Ugh - I hate second guessing myself! 

There is no such thing as instant gratification in weight loss - you have to work for it.  So, now I will move ahead with new motivation - I'll show that darn scale who's boss!!!!

I know that if I keep up my exercise regimen I will see results.  I also know that there will be some weeks that I lose more than a pound, and some that I don't lose anything. 

Such is the frustrating process of losing weight! 

I do know that I will stick with it.  Regardless of what the scale says, what I'm doing is good for me, so that's the important thing. 

But, darn it, I want that number to go down!!!

Eating Out - Always A Challenge

Last night, Ben and I went out to dinner.  We've cut way back on eating out in the last several weeks, as we attempt to save money, but allow ourselves an occasional date night. 

We went to Lodi Beer Company, a wonderful brewery in downtown Lodi - one of our favorite restaurants.  They have excellent burgers, pizzas, pasta - basically everything that I wanted, but knew I probably shouldn't eat.

I "splurged" on a lemonade instead of water, and finally decided to get a club sandwich and criss-cut fries (my favorite - yum!). 

I made an honest effort to eat more slowly than I usually would - it's usually like a race to see how fast I can scarf down my food, and always end up regretting it! 

I removed a good portion of the bacon - I left just enough to get the flavor.

After finishing my sandwich (which I really enjoyed), I sampled one of my fries.  It was crispy, not too salty, and delicious!  Indulging in another small one, I wasn't getting the usual enjoyment that I experience when eating some of my favorite foods.  I tried one more, just to make sure that it wasn't just a fluke.  No, I was indeed...full!

So, rather than eat the fries because they were there (which I've been known to do), I simply pushed my plate away and enjoyed what was left of my lemonade.

I realize that weight loss is about making good choices, but not imposing harsh restrictions, because eventually (at least for me), you break. 

Last night was a small victory, but a victory, nonetheless.  I didn't even have dessert!  I just appreciated the fact that I'd had a nice date with my hubby, and that a simple club sandwich was enough!

The Rain Doesn't Help

I know I'm not the only one who is affected by the weather.  When the sun shines, I want to be outside, drinking nothing but water, as I snack on fruits and vegetables, and embrace all my grandiose plans for exercising and losing weight. 

Unfortunately, I don't live in Hawaii, so I have to deal with cold, cloudy, rainy days that suck the life out of me and leave me unwilling to do much more than sit on the couch dreaming about what else I can eat. 

Today was one of those days - 57 degrees and rainy- your basic motivation killer.

As someone who is trying desperately to lose weight and eat healthier, I need all the help I can get, and this weather isn't helping!!!  Exercise?  Forget it - I just want to curl up under a warm blanket and veg in front of the tv.  And who wants to eat fruit on a rainy day?  Not me!  I want hot chocolate, grilled cheese sandwiches, creamy soup, hot brownies fresh out of the oven - COMFORT FOOD!!!

It's hard enough to find the motivation to exercise - I'm tired, sore from the previous day's workout, or just flat out don't feel like it.  Those are the days that I probably need exercise the most, no matter what creative excuses I manage to come up with.  Then you throw in a cold, rainy morning, and it feels downright impossible!

Miraculously, I found the motivation I needed (mostly because I didn't want to have to admit that I'd simply lazed on the couch for 2 hours) to get on the treadmill and do weights again this morning, so at least today is something of a victory. 

Now, I just need to kick this urge to raid the refrigerator and life will be just peachy.  I will resist...I will resist...I will resist....

Hopefully I'll Sleep Tonight

It's amazing how much better I sleep after I've worked out.  I usually do it in the mornings - as something about showering twice in the same day just bugs me.  So by the time bedtime rolls around, it's all I can do to keep my eyes open!

Yesterday I didn't work out (or do much of anything, truth be told).  So, not surprisingly, sleep and I did not find each other until sometime after midnight...ugh!  With a 6:30 alarm, needless to say, I didn't feel much like exercising, especially since, even once I fell asleep, I didn't sleep all that well.  Long story short - I was soooo tired this morning!  

Although I longed to curl up on the couch for a cat nap, I managed to drag myself into the garage where the work out equipment is set up.  I put on a movie (Hairspray, for those who are interested) and did about 10 minutes of hand weights - thanks to those of you who suggested doing weights before cardio!  So, with the inspiration of Tracy Turnblad blazing out at me from the tv screen (I don't want to be her size), I climbed onto the treadmill.

I changed it up a bit this morning, since I knew I had limited time before I was interrupted by munchkins.  I added a level 4 incline to the last part of my walk.  Needless to say, I was dripping with sweat, and my face looked something like a tomato!  But, it felt good!

I never seem to regret working out - no matter how much I don't feel like it before I begin, I'm always glad that I pushed myself.  It's always worth it - especially when bedtime rolls around!!!

The How

Since I announced yesterday that I was embarking on a journey to cut 50 pounds from the number that blazes up at me from the digital scale in the bathroom, I have been preoccupied by one simple question...How?

This is a great question, and one that I don't honestly have a good answer for.  How does one go about losing 50 pounds?

I suppose there are 2 obvious approaches to this - diet and exercise.  Easy, right?  Well...

I don't believe in "diets" - I don't think they work, and believe me, I've tried a few.  The soup diet, the no protein diet, the all protein diet, Slim-Fast, Special K, cut out soda, cut out caffeine...you name it, I've probably tried it.  Every year before Spring Break, my mom would announce that our family was going to go on a diet, so that we'd be in better shape for our upcoming trip to whatever tropical paradise she'd picked that year.

Mind you, I'm not, by any means, blaming my mom - in fact, I think it's because of her that I can cross so many different diets off my list!  I just know myself, and I know that if I try to "diet, I'll eventually end up breaking, going on a binge, and completely sabotaging whatever progress I've made.  

So, this leaves me with a "lifestyle diet" - completely changing the way I eat.  Yes, I know that there are things that I have that I could stand to cut out, but in general, I honestly don't feel like I eat a bunch of crap!  I am currently signed up for Weight Watchers.  I did WW with tireless devotion last fall - I lost about 12 pounds initially, then plateaued for more than a month, finally giving up.  But, I'm willing to give it another shot.  In theory, I think that's probably my best bet, but my big problem with WW was the points.  Not that I didn't have enough, but I couldn't, on most days, even come close to eating all my points!  I somehow just can't wrap my head around the idea that you have to eat MORE to LOSE WEIGHT!!!  I hit a mental block that I simply can't bust through.

As someone who doesn't eat fried foods, doesn't like salt, doesn't eat much fast food, drinks only diet soda (which isn't very often), and is also something of a picky eater (I won't eat what I'm not hungry for), it becomes a bit of an issue.  But, as I said, I'm willing to give it a try.

Issue #2 - exercise.  My big problem is that I haven't found a form of exercise that I really enjoy.  I've been doing the treadmill for several weeks now (with no results).  I even combined running and walking - still nothing (except sore knees).  I don't mind the treadmill, but at times, I find it kind of boring - especially when I don't have a good movie to watch while I walk!  I've tried yoga (it wasn't pretty), I don't like Pilates, and I think I'm too out of shape to handle Tae Bo or some other form of kickboxing type of exercise without getting frustrated and giving up.  I've recorded a few exercise shows on DVR, but I don't feel like I work hard enough to make it worthwhile.  I'm thinking that I'll have the best luck signing up with a gym - assuming I can find one that will allow me to do a month-to-month membership, since hubby and I are relocating in August.  If not, then I guess I'm going back to the drawing board!

If anyone out there has any suggestions on either "diet" or a new exercise regimen, please enlighten me!!!!!

P.S.  We took the dog to the park and walked about 1 1/2 miles - unfortunately, I was sipping my Saturday morning frappuccino while we did that...might have to cut those out (tear).

The First Step

Being fat sucks!  Plain and simple.  Unfortunately, dieting sucks almost as much as being fat.  It's a miserable process, and even if you're successful, you ultimately end up gaining back the unwanted poundage (plus a little extra, at least in my experience).  So, in the age of "don't diet, change your lifestyle", we are made to feel guilty if the "change" that so many speak of with stars in their eyes, is harder for us than it seems to be for others.

I've never been skinny, nor do I ever expect to be skinny.  I'm simply not built that way.  Even at my thinnest (which was in about 1999), I was a size 12.  I honestly don't expect to ever be that size again - quite frankly, I'd be shocked!  However, that being said, I know for a fact that I've got too much junk in my trunk, my jello has a little too much jiggle! 

So, that being said, and in light of the fact that I just had my 30th birthday (eeks), I am on a quest.  While I realize that I could probably cut my current weight in half and still have a ways to go, I'm a realist, and know that I need to start small. 

With this in mind, I am hoping to lose 50 pounds before my next birthday (April 2012).  That gives me just under 50 weeks to lose this weight.  A pound per week - should be easy enough, right?  We'll see!

Vanity (and not a small amount of embarrassment) prevents me from revealing my actual weight, but I will weight in once a week, and as I lose (or gain) report the change. 

I'm hoping that through accountability, perseverance, and  a healthy dose of humor, I'll find the "thinspiration" that I need to be successful.

Wish me luck!