Confession Time

I feel really good about my weight loss efforts so far.  I'm finding that I'm slightly less tired after a work out,  I have more energy, and working out in the morning helps me make smart food choices throughout the day.

Hopefully I'll begin to see some results, which will only boost my motivation.

So, with all that said, it's strange confession time. 

While I want nothing more than to lose weight, there is a part of me that is terrified.  I'm so scared of working hard to drop the pounds, actually being happy (or happier) with my size, and then gaining it all back.  That to me would be worse than just staying heavy. 

Unfortunately, I know what I'm talking about, because I've been there before.  Time and again, I lose a few pounds, then I gain them back.  A few months later I try again with new motivation, see results, then one cold, stomach flu, or busy few weeks get in the way, and before I know it, I've gained whatever I lost (plus 5-10 bonus pounds). 

So, how do I know this time it will be different?  That once I lose the 50 pounds I'm aiming for, I'll be able to keep it off, rather than slowly putting it back on?  Do I have any hope of finally succeeding in this battle against my body?  Honestly, I don't know.  That's the tough part.  I have no way of knowing whether I'll truly be able to keep the weight off, or if the extra pounds will sneak back on, as they always have, and in a year, I'll be right back where I am today. 

But, I know that I have to try.  I'm hoping that this whole "losing weight slowly over time" thing, setting small goals, working day to day, pound by pound, will help my odds of success.  Only time will tell!

On a happy note - I ordered the West Wing series on DVD today!  It should be here on Friday, which means that once I'm done watching Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, I'll have something wonderful to focus on during my daily dates with the treadmill.