2nd Start

I'm almost healed up completely.

What was once a huge gaping hole in my boob (graphic, and only slightly exaggerated) is now a bruised area surrounding 2 small scars. 

I'm slowly getting my energy back - though taking the dog for a 10 minute walk leaves me winded.

So, the time has come to evaluate when I'll be heading back to the gym, and by extension, Gym Guy's scrutiny.

If I'd been smart, I would have used this...involuntary down time...as an opportunity to rethink my eating habits, to load up on the fruits and vegetables, and to try to maintain my 10 pound weight loss that I was so ecstatic about a few weeks ago. 

But, alas, I am not smart.  I haven't used this time wisely.  I've eaten what I wanted, when I wanted.  And, while not entirely comprised of crap, my diet has been a far cry from healthy.  In fact, for a while I was eating very little, which I know is just as bad for me as eating junk.

Out of nothing more than mild curiosity, I weighed myself over the weekend. 

I've gained back a few pounds, but I'm still down more than 5 pounds from where I started.

Considering what the last month has been like for me - I'll take it!!!

It's just so depressing to think that when I return to the gym, I'll basically be starting over.  I have to get back into a routine, I have to build up my endurance again, and pretty much start from scratch with weights.  Maybe the second time around will be easier...right???

Now, to get back in the saddle...or rather...on the treadmill!

A Step Forward...A Step Back...Standing Still

Well, I've had quite an eventful few weeks. 

Forgive me for skipping the icky details (you'll thank me later)...but suffice it to say, life has taken a turn that I was not expecting or prepared for. 

Following our trip down south and my interrupted workout schedule, I was elated to discover last week that I am down 10 whole pounds from my starting weight!!! 

How I managed that, I'll never know for sure...but I'm sure it had nothing to do with the lack of exercise, eating out for 4 straight days, or sitting in a hotel room and riding in a car for hours on end. 

In any case, I was psyched!  As hubby pointed out..."never look a gift horse..." blah, blah, blah.  If only I knew what the magic touch was, you can bet your sweet bippy that I'd make damn sure to repeat it!!!  But, alas, it was a mystery - the results of which I was more than happy to enjoy!

Then, all hell broke loose...literally. 

Due to a certain medical ailment (again, I'll spare the details, but let me just say that breast cysts are absolutely no fun, especially when they decide to abscess and rupture!), I was informed last week that until further notice, I am to do absolutely no exercise...in addition to no lifting, no twisting, limited walking and bending...you get the idea.

Given my new circumstances, I had to muster the energy to head into the gym to break the news to "Gym Guy".  I wish I'd had an audience (or a camera) with me when I tried to explain my situation and ask that our gym membership be put on indefinite medical hold.  He looked like he was going to cry.  It was as if he couldn't wrap his head around the concept of not being allowed to exercise.  "Couldn't you just walk on the treadmill slowly?" he asked, his eyes hopeful.  "Um, I could barely stand to walk from the car into this building." I explained in the calmest "I will kick you in the balls if you try to question my surgeon again" voice.  Long story short, our account is on hold "until further notice".

So, after almost a full week of doing a whole lot of sitting, you can imagine my surprise when I weighed in again this morning to find that I am STILL down a whole 10 pounds!!!

I'm baffled. 

I've joked a few times with my mom, as she's lamented the fact that she can't seem to lose weight, that it took a major abdominal surgery and chemotherapy for her to lose any substantial amount of weight in recent years. 

Now, she's joking with me that perhaps I share that trait - only major medical procedures set of weight loss. 

That remains to be seen. 

All I can hope is that my healing continues and that before too long I can be back on track with working out (though I must say that I'll be slightly less motivated if this mysterious weight loss continues without me setting foot in the gym over the next several weeks).

It's Happening!

Finally!!!  After more than a month of busting my ass in the gym (almost) every day, it's finally happening...results!!!  I did a little mental math (and by mental math I mean counting on my fingers) and realized that I've been to the gym 29 of the last 36 days - go me!!! 

I'm literally going from home to work to the gym and back home every day - it's a tedious routine and I have practically no free time, but at least it's beginning to pay off!!!  Nothing major so far (I'm not exactly ready to go buy a new wardrobe, but at least it's something to keep me going! 

I'm hooking my bra on the smallest hook (which I wasn't a few weeks ago)...

My denim capri pants from last summer not only still fit, but are even slightly baggy...

And...the belt that goes on my capri pants is now being hooked on a smaller loop than it was when I wore the pants a few weeks ago...

Also...I've upped the weight on 3 of my machines at the gym...

Not to mention the fact that I've also added 10 minutes to my treadmill time (I'm up to 50 minutes).

I'll count this as progress!

My challenge now is how to maintain this momentum while I'm out of town on vacation over the next 10 days! 

Wouldn't it be fun to come back from vacation having lost even more weight!!!

I'm down 5 pounds...gotta keep it up!!!!

The Food Challenge

No, I'm not going to discuss a challenge that I'm giving myself when it comes to the food I eat...

I mean...I'm CHALLENGED by food!!!

I don't get it!!!

There was an article on Yahoo! today about the 10 "super foods" for weight loss.  In the article it listed certain foods (wild salmon, quinoa, lentils, sweet potatoes, etc.) that are "proven" to help with weight loss for one reason or another. 

This is where they lose me.  Don't just tell me that wild salmon is good because of the Omega-3 fatty acids (or whatever the hell it is that it has that's good)...help me to apply that information to my life!!!

Where does one purchase wild salmon?  Can it be frozen?  How am I to prepare it?  And what the hell is an omega-3 fatty acid???

You can't just tell me that if I want to be skinny I need to eat wild salmon and then leave me hanging!!!!!

I need to live in a world where there is a list of foods that will make me skinny, then another list that tells me the various ways to prepare all the foods that will make me skinny, and yet another list of more "skinny foods" to eat when I get sick of the foods on the first list!

Dare to dream!

On a slightly different "food challenge" note - I feel like I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar today! 

As it so happens, the gym is right next to our favorite pizza place.  I mean, literally right next door.  You could walk out of one, take 2 steps and walk right into the other!

While I was at the gym, working up quite a sweat, Ben called and ordered pizza, then sent me a text asking me to pick it up on my way home.

I didn't see the message until I was out in my car, so I sat there for a minute wondering if I could somehow manage to walk back towards the gym, get in and out of the pizza place, and back into my car with out "Gym Guy" seeing me.  I even considered whether I should drive my car and park a few rows over, to minimize my chances of being caught.

Yes, I'm pathetic.

Long story short - I went into the pizza place (which smelled delightful, by the way), paid for the pizza, wings, and 2 liter of Sierra Mist that Ben had ordered, and as I walked out the door, caught a glimpse of Gym Guy standing there watching me. 

Busted!!!

I didn't make eye contact, but I seriously felt like a kid trying to sneak an extra brownie after dinner, or a teenager getting caught coming in after curfew! 

I can't even begin to imagine what Gym Guy will have to say tomorrow!  At least I can tell him honestly that I only had 2 pieces of pizza!

4 Pounds

I'm a few weeks in to my new gym routine, and I'm still making progress!!!

I've been wary of weigh ins - for a few reasons...

If I haven't lost weight, I'm afraid that I'll lose my motivation and stop going to the gym and watching what I'm eating. 

Also...

If I have lost weight, I'm afraid that it will give me a false sense of security and I'll begin to slack a bit, either with the working out, or with the caloric intake.

You get the idea - weigh ins are tricky for me.

But, this morning, I gave myself a little pep talk, took a deep breath, and climbed onto the scale, praying that the progress I'd seen last week had continued.

Deep breaths...deep breaths...I slowly opened my eyes, peeked down, and saw that I'm now down 4 pounds from my starting weight!!!

4 pounds!!!

I'm on my way!!!

Deadline

Well, yesterday was my birthday...my stated deadline...the end of the road...

......or NOT! 

Yes, technically it was my birthday, and yes it was technically my deadline...but it's NOT the end of the road!

I've been on the workout bandwagon for almost 3 weeks now and I'm still going strong. 

I've lost 3.5 pounds and I'm hoping to start seeing some results before too long. 

Gym Guy was impressed with my progress today and with 3 trainer sessions in my back pocket (thanks for the birthday gift, mom) I'm determined to keep this up!

Even though I didn't make my deadline...I'm still going to do it...I'm going to lose those 50 pounds!!!

2 Weeks In

I joined the gym 2 weeks ago and I'm still on a roll. 

"Gym Guy" wanted me to commit to at least 4 days per week and was persistent to the point of annoyance with his constant "when are you coming back?" and "what time tomorrow will you be here?" - I'm guessing he took one look at me and thought "ok, fat girl, maybe if I ask for 4 days you'll give me at least 2". 

Haha Gym Guy - I've been doing 6 days per week!!!  Neener neener neener!!!

I'm still dripping with sweat by the end of my workouts, but they're getting a little easier each day.

Now comes the part where I get anxious to see results. 

I know that it will take time, but damn it, I want to look different now!!!

Not to mention the fact that I have to fly to Las Vegas and California in less than one month and I'm already stressing about whether I'll be able to fit in a seat on the plane.

Exactly how much weight can I expect to lose in a month?  Is it likely that all my weight loss over the next month could be confined to my rear end?

My mind is full of terrible scenarios wherein I'm asked to purchase a second seat to accommodate my ass or I manage to wedge myself into my seat but need the jaws of life to get me out at the end of the flight.

I want to be able to board a plane (for the first time in several years) without feeling like I'm "that girl" that everyone is secretly praying that they're not seated next to.  I want to be able to fly cross country without having bruises on my hips from squeezing myself between the arm rests.  I want to not ponder whether I can afford to triple my travel budget to purchase a first class seat, because I'm fairly confident that I'd have wiggle room in one of those!!! 

In any case, I'm sure I'll be stressing that one until my ass (and the rest of me) is safely on board and settled (comfortably, I hope) into one seat. 

For now, I'm just going to keep plugging along, waiting for the day when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror at the gym and don't want to run screaming for a tiny dark room with no reflective surfaces!!!

The Roll

I joined the gym last Monday.

I went to the gym to work out on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and today!

Yes folks, we call that being on a roll!

I'm actually loving the circuit training that "Gym Guy" has me doing.  Treadmill for 10 minutes, then weights, treadmill, weights, treadmill, then weights again, and finally treadmill.  Honestly, I'm still just thanking my lucky stars that he didn't put me on the medieval torture device otherwise known as the elliptical machine. 

Now that I'm actually ON the roll, I need to make sure that I stay that way!

Gym Guy seemed genuinely proud of me when I told him how I've been doing - especially impressed that I'd increased my treadmill speed as well as the weights on 2 of my machines.

I was temporarily deflated when he made a face after I told him I was only down a pound, but I was quickly re-inflated when he realized that I've only been doing this for a week.

I am to weigh in next week and report back to him - Gym Guy remains confident that I can cut my body weight in half!

I'm not stressing over that just yet - right now I'm just anticipating the first "wow, have you lost weight?" comment....

My Goals

This week, we bit the bullet - we joined a gym. 

It's a small one that just opened up about 2 minutes from our apartment  but has multiple locations (one of which happens to be right next door to my office).

So, we walk in and speak to the trainer who is also the owner (who will now be referred to as "Fitness Guy"). 

As I'm filling out the paperwork, Fitness Guy turns to Ben and says "So, what are your fitness goals?"

Ben, being the smooth talker that he is simply says "I don't have any".  Doh! 

Fitness Guy: "Did your wife drag you here?"

Ben: "Yep."  Again...Doh!

Fitness Guy (to me): "Since you're obviously the one in charge, what are YOUR fitness goals?"

I'm sure I had some witty response (which I can't remember) - but that question really got me thinking.  What ARE my fitness goals?

Here's what I've come up with:

- I want to ride in an airplane without having a panic attack about fitting in the seat or needing a seat belt extension.

-I want to wear a smaller t-shirt size than my husband.

-I want to walk the dog without being out of breath.

-I want to climb a flight of stairs without worrying that I'm going to have a heart attack and keel over and forever be remembered as "that fat girl whose heart exploded because she climbed a flight of stairs".

-I want to go shopping and not immediately flip to the back of the clothing rack where the biggest sizes are.

-I want to spend a single day not worrying about how fat I look and feel.

-I want to laugh without everything jiggling.

-I want to go to a restaurant without worrying about whether I can fit into the booth without my stomach touching the table or my boobs resting on top of the table.

-As Kevin Spacey put it in American Beauty - "I want to look good naked".

Today I had my first training session with Fitness Guy.  We'll see if any of these goals are actually attainable...

P.S.  My boss and I have made a pact - as soon as we both lose 10 pounds, we're treating ourselves to pedicures!!!

1 Month To Go

When I began this blog last year, I was hoping to lose 50 pounds by my birthday.  (Insert naive optimism here)

Well, I've got exactly 1 month to go and about...48 pounds still to lose.

It's been a bit of a roller coaster, and while I haven't come anywhere near my weight loss goal, I have discovered some things about myself, about my frustrations with food, and about my bad habits. 

I know I didn't gain weight overnight, so I can't expect to lose weight overnight - no matter how much I long for a "magic pill" solution.  

Even though I'm still struggling, I'll choose to look on the bright side - at least I haven't gained any additional weight!

I'm also sticking to my fast for Lent - no ice cream or pop until Easter!!!

Progress

Over a week ago, I gave up ice cream and pop.

While I didn't expect the pop to be much of a challenge, I was terrified that I'd not only miss the ice cream, but also replace it with something else.

I'm proud to say, after 10 days, I'm not only not missing the ice cream, but I have managed not to replace it with M&M's, cookies, brownies...you get the idea.

In addition to making strides as far as my eating habits, I'm also back on the horse, or rather, the bike!

I was doing really well, then got out of my routine.  But, now I'm back! 

I'm coming back slowly - I was beginning to irritate my foot and my knees by doing the bike every day, so this time I'm going to pace myself a little more and hopefully avoid all that.

For a few weeks now, I've been toying with the idea of joining a gym and enlisting the help of a trainer - I'm wondering if that will help keep me on track. 

Unfortunately, that's just not in our budget right now, so I'm going to have to keep myself motivated and energized.

Days 1 and 2

Lent has arrived...which means that it's time to give up one of my favorite things...ice cream.

Boo =(

Actually, this year, I'm getting a two-fer. 

After I informed Ben that WE would be giving up ice cream, WE (and by that I mean "I") decided that WE should also give up pop.

Well...we've survived Day 1 and Day 2 - I haven't had any major cravings for ice cream, and Ben has had more water in the last 2 days than he's had in the last 2 months!

The trick is going to be not replacing ice cream with something else...for example...seasonal M&Ms...

16 Minutes

Today, while browsing the Yahoo headlines, I came across an intriguing story.  A 16 minute workout!

Of course, me being me, I clicked onto it.  Poor, gullible me.  Thinking that there would actually be a workout that I could do in only 16 minutes and still see results.  It's just the sort of magical solution that people like me pray for.

I soon realized that it was 8 "magic moves" from Jillian Michaels. 

Ok, I'll come out with it - I DON'T LIKE JILLIAN MICHAELS!!!

I think she's smug, condescending, and looks down on everyone who isn't a size 4 and in the best shape of their life. 

That said, I continued to scroll through the article, hoping that somehow this magical 16 minute workout included sitting on the couch, or simply walking in place.

No such luck.

It was a series of 8 exercises designed to help you tone twice as much in half the time.  And, best of all, there were pictures showing how the exercises were supposed to look.

Now, I know that I'm not even close to being in shape, but I almost had a stroke just looking at the picture of some skinny-ass woman going from being on all 4's to having her legs kicked up above her head (picture how a donkey kicks).

Yeah right!

And it only got better from there - high kicks, a psychotic modified push-up, and something terrifying called "dragging dog" which required pulling yourself along the ground from a flat laying position into an "upward dog" yoga pose using just the palms of your hands and your toes - hahaha.

Exercise plans like that are a great idea...if you weigh 125 pounds and are already in shape. 

But for someone like me, it makes me want to cry...or scream...or smack the "fitness guru" who came up with that routine from hell right in the face. 

I think I'll stick with my low impact exercises - while secretly chastising myself for not being in shape enough to pull off even one of those maneuvers without having a heart attack.

More Effort!

I've kicked things up a notch. 

I was rocking my stationary bike.  I was doing anywhere between 5 and 5.5 miles in 20 minutes, depending on how fast I was pedaling. 

Now...haha...I'm doing 6 miles in just under 20 minutes. 

Ok, not to toot my own horn, but do you have any idea how fast you have to pedal at a constant rate in order to go 6 miles in 20 minutes? 

It's insane!  It's no wonder my legs have been sore and my quads started burning within minutes of hopping on my bike last night! 

It's not pretty.  I'm huffing and puffing like the Big Bad Wolf's big-fat-out-of-shape sister, and sweating like a pig, and by the time I'm done, my legs feel like rubber!

But it's such a rush when I scroll through my display menu to see that I'm pedaling anywhere from 18.5 and 19 miles per hour - seriously, go me!!!

Now I just need to keep it up!!!

My boss is going to be gone for the better part of the next 2 weeks.  My goal is to have her comment (unsolicited, of course) on how I look when she gets back.  I've been on my kick for about 2 weeks already, so I'm hoping that after a month of watching the food and exercising like crazy, there should be SOME change!

We'll see!

Food Log

It's been a while since I did a weekly weigh-in.  I haven't wanted to be a slave to it, and quite honestly, it wasn't making me feel good about my attempts at losing weight.

But, I've been doing my bike on a regular basis, I've been watching what I eat, and yesterday, I was feeling brave.

So, yesterday morning, I reluctantly climbed onto the scale to check the status of my seemingly ongoing ass expansion.

I somehow wasn't surprised to see that I'm back where I started months ago.  Not heavier, thankfully, but right back at square one.

Perhaps this is a good thing - a new year, new start, new motivation.

I'm taking steps in the right direction.  I've been working out 5 or 6 days a week for the last few weeks.  I've also started logging my food and exercise on MyFitnessPal.com (thanks Tricia for introducing me to that incredible website).

The cool thing about MyFitnessPal.com is that when you finish your daily entry, there is a message that pops up telling you "If every day were like today, you'd weigh ____ in 5 weeks." (By the way, the number that they give is about 15 pounds less than what I currently weigh)

That remains to be seen.  I've religiously logged my food for over a week - there really is something to being held accountable for what I'm eating.  I find that I'm catching myself before I have a snack, wondering whether it will push me over my daily caloric intake goal.  I'm thinking twice before deciding what to have for lunch, so that I don't pay for it later.

I'll just be curious to see if I continue on my current path whether in 4 weeks I actually manage to lose 15 pounds - here's hoping!!!

A Manageable Goal!

I don't like New Year's Resolutions.  I lose my motivation, I never stick to them, and in the end I feel like a bum for setting such a lofty goal for myself and not being able to follow through.

I do, however, believe in giving things up for Lent.

For me, it's the perfect amount of time.  It's long enough to be a challenge, but short enough to be do-able!

In the past, I've had great success with giving things up.

Several years ago (and by several I mean about 6 or 7) I had a...well...an addiction.  No, it wasn't drugs...it was Milk Duds!  I LOVED them!  I would eat them constantly!  At the time, I had an enabler in my life who kept bringing them to me, so I just kept on eating them.  Finally, I'd had enough, so I gave them up for Lent.  I ended up going about 3 years before I had a Milk Dud again - I'd say that was a success!

Last year, I decided that I needed to cut back on the caffeine.  I've always been sensitive to it, it was affecting my sleep, and I was getting headaches when I hadn't had any.  So, for Lent, I cut myself off.  It's now almost a year later, and I haven't gone back.  Aside from the random sip of Ben's Diet Coke when we're in a restaurant, or when the teenagers at Starbucks give me regular instead of decaf (yes, I can tell), I'm still off caffeine and loving it!

Now, you might be asking yourself "what insane and unhealthy addiction is she going to give up this year?".  Let me say, I had many to choose from.  Thankfully, Ben has agreed to join me in my effort to give something up for Lent, which means we had to agree on what to give up!

I have decided, that this year, I'll be giving up ice cream.  *tear*

I love ice cream.  Mint Chocolate Chip, Chocolate Peanut Butter, Cookie Dough...oh, my mouth is watering even as I type this!  We always have some in the freezer and I've (unfortunately) gotten into the bad habit of having a dish of it almost every night. 

No more...it ends now!

Starting February 22nd, there will be no more ice cream in our house!

(I think it's worth mentioning that before deciding to give up ice cream I had to check the date of Easter to make sure that it falls before my birthday, as it is a tradition to have DQ ice cream birthday cake in my family.  It does!)

I've given up ice cream before, so I know that this is going to be a tough one.  But, I know that I can do it!

The big challenge will be not replacing ice cream with something equally unhealthy (brownies, cookies, M&Ms, etc.).

In the meantime...I'm going to try to cut back on the ice cream, so that in February it won't be quite so painful.

Wish me luck!!!

Going To The Doctor

Doctors...ugh...

I hate going to the doctor's office.  I get tense, my blood pressure shoots up, and I usually find myself sitting in the waiting room brainstorming ways to get out of the dreaded weigh-in. (I'm still working on that one, but I'll let you know if I come up with a good one.)

Today was no exception. 

I sat in the waiting room flashing ahead to the shame that was about to befall me, the inevitable lecture that I was sure to get from the doctor about my weight, and all the excuses that I could give to help explain away why I weigh about twice what I "should". 

As I nervously waited to be called back, I thought back to last year's appointment when my doctor in California (who managed to secure her place on my "shit list") lectured me about how I needed to exercise and eat right (um...duh...what do you think I've been doing???), and rather rudely informed me that she couldn't perform a proper pelvic exam on me because of my weight, and that if there were any cysts or tumors we'd find them down the road if I had trouble getting pregnant.  Um...thanks for that delightful commentary...bitch!

So, back to today's appointment...

It started out much the same as most appointments do - with me averting my eyes as the digital number on the scale crept up, with a blood pressure reading that made the fact that I was able to walk down the hallway without having a heart attack seem like a medical miracle, and with me trying to convince Tiny Nurse that I really do have low blood pressure...really...I DO!!!

Tiny Nurse assured me that the doctor could take my blood pressure again at the end of my appointment, but that I shouldn't worry too much about having high blood pressure (apparently she didn't hear that I have LOW blood pressure).

I'll spare you all the delightful details of the rest of my appointment, but I will say that I enjoyed speaking with a doctor about as much as one can expect to in that situation.

There was no guilt, no smug lecture, actually, no mention of my weight or the fact that I need to lose a heap of it. 

I love this doctor!!!!!

There need to be more doctors like her!  Doctors who realize that patients like me are all too aware of the fact that we need to lose weight and having skinny assholes people like them pointing it out only makes us feel worse.  Doctors who understand that pointing out my weight problem will basically guarantee that I'll be knee deep in comfort food by the end of the day!  Doctors who don't make me want to cry!

And...to top off my positive experience...at the end of my appointment I got my vindication...my blood pressure was 125 over 75 - take that Tiny Nurse (who was actually delightful).

So, the important lesson that I learned today is that there are actually nice medical professionals out there whose sole purpose is not to make those of us with extra junk in the trunk (and belly, and arms, and thighs) feel like the lazy scum of the earth for being heavier than we should be. 

Now all I need to do is lose 50 pounds so that when I go in again next year she'll say "my, look at how thin you are" (here's hoping).

Winning Streak

If I was a professional baseball team, you could say that I'm on a winning streak!  Even though it is the weekend, the time when I want to be lazy, I have stuck to my workouts!!!

Yesterday, though I wanted to sit my ass on the couch and veg, I did the bike for 20 minutes (5.5 miles again)! 

Today, rather than start off my day with a shower, I threw on my workout clothes and did my Biggest Loser workout again.

Thankfully, as I had hoped, the workout was (just a little) easier, and I was huffing and puffing (just a little) less.

I'm on a roll, baby!!! 

Where is this new motivation coming from, you might ask?  It honestly has nothing to do with New Year's resolutions.  It has more to do with the fact that I've got a doctor's appointment in a few weeks, and I want to be able to counter any lectures on my weight with "I've already lost (fill in the blank) pounds this year".

I'm also looking ahead to a trip out west in May - first a conference in Vegas, followed by a quick trip to California and Salt Lake City with Ben.  Not only do I not want to go through the stress of squeezing my ass into a seat on an airplane (with my boss sitting right next to me), but I'd also love nothing more than to hear "wow, you look great" or "have you lost weight?" from some of the friends and family members that we'll be visiting.

The trick for this week will be deciding whether to wake up early to exercise, or commit to working out in the evenings before dinner.  That remains to be seen. 

Gotta keep this streak going....

Baby Steps

I'm on a roll...or what I feel could be the beginning of a roll. 

Last night I did my bike for 20 minutes (5.5 miles, thank you very much)!  It was the first time in a while, shamefully, but I was glad I did it.

Tonight, when I got home, rather than getting into my jammies (which has become my evening ritual), I got into my workout clothes, closed myself in our guest room, and did my 25 minute Biggest Loser workout! 

So...now I just need to keep the momentum going.  That's the challenge - taking baby steps, slowly getting into a routine, and trying to figure out ways to stay on track even when the schedule changes.

Tomorrow will be a challenge.  After work we're meeting friends for dinner at Olive Garden (mmmm...salad and bread sticks - fortunately, I'm more excited about the salad), but I'm sure by the time we get home, I won't feel like working out.  So, I need to decide whether I'd rather get up early and exercise in the morning, give myself an evening off, or try to muster the motivation to get back on the bike after downing (what I expect will be) several helpings of salad, ravioli, and (just maybe) dessert.

Exercise is one of those things that I never regret doing.  Sure, it's a pain in the ass, I hate getting all sweaty, and it's so much more tempting to stay curled up on the couch...but I've never finished a workout and thought to myself "boy, that was a waste of time". 

That's what I need to remember - that sense of accomplishment that I get when I finish a workout!

Again...it's all about the baby steps.  I'm not going to tackle a huge food makeover and try to start a dramatic exercise routine all at the same time. 

At this point I'm so out of shape that during the initial "just step side to side with me" part of the workout video, my hips were starting to burn.

Just another sign that I need to take this slowly and go at my own pace. 

Yes, I was winded by the end.  Yes, the sweat was pouring off of me as if I'd just stepped out of the shower.  Yes, my legs feel like spaghetti.  But next time it will be a little bit easier.  I'll be a little less winded, a little less drenched in sweat, and a little less likely to collapse in the kitchen as I chug water.

Baby steps and little victories - that's what I'm about!

Back In The Saddle

For the first time all year (and keep in mind it's only been 11 days), I hopped back into the saddle, or rather, onto my bike. 

I've been out of my exercise routine for a while now, and though the evidence was right there (my tight jeans, my ever-chubby-cheeks looking even chubbier, the extra jiggle to my jello)...I've been secretly hoping that somehow I'd magically lose these extra pounds without having to do anything.

Haha...yeah right!  I know better than that!

I'm not that girl.  I've never been one of those lucky bastards who gets stressed and LOSES weight.  One who can eat a plate of cookies or a tray of brownies and still fit into my pants the next day.

Haha...not me! 

No, I'm the girl who gains 10 pounds if I even think about a chocolate chip cookie or a single brownie. 

So, despite my urges to hit the snooze button every morning, and happily sit on my couch every night after work, I'm going to get my ass back on track.

I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record...but I MEAN IT this time! 

I ride 5.5 miles this evening - go me!  I'm planning on dusting off my exercise dvds and giving those a try tomorrow.

Wish me luck...again!!!

The New Year

It began several weeks before Christmas. 

We all noticed it, even if we didn't acknowledge it.  It was there on the radio, on tv, in magazines...

The pressure to "lose weight in the New Year".

Bastards! 

As if I don't have enough to worry about this holiday season, you're already slamming me with images of skinny women who once weighed 300 pounds and now fit into a string bikini, infomercials about "the new revolution in home fitness", and endless runnings of Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and Nutri System promos.

I feel like going on strike!

I know I need to lose weight, and yes, jump-starting the process on January 1st would be a lovely idea if I didn't mind joining a class or going to a gym with all of the other "I'm so motivated to lose weight this year" people who will inevitably misplace their ambition sometime in March.

I don't want to participate in the cliched "New Year's resolution to lose weight".  I don't want to be one of the millions of people who misplace their motivation and rattle off excuse after excuse for why I didn't lose weight this year. 

Not me!  No way!

That being said, I DO want to make changes.  I DO want to lose weight this year.

But, I'm going to do it on my terms, and because I want to, not because everyone else is participating in the same half-baked plan to make this the year that we FINALLY lose the weight that we've been battling.