Jump Start

I have hit the wall.

I think I've officially reached the point at which I need to shake things up, or risk losing what little motivation I have left and creeping back to my old ways.

Yes, I know that weight lost gradually is more likely to stay off, and yes, I'm currently ahead of my "one pound each week" goal, but I'm still acutely aware of the fact that my enthusiasm is waning. 

I need a jump start.  I need something fresh, something new to try, something to re-light the fire under my tushy!

So, now the question becomes, how do I do it?  What can I do to feel like I'm doing more?  I hadn't planned on trying a specific "diet" or forcing myself into some kind of gimmicky exercise plan.  I was hoping to pay more attention to what I'm eating (and how much I'm eating), make a conscious effort to keep moving, and hopefully see results.

One thing I've been more aware of in the last few weeks is diet.  There are always news stories, magazine articles, and commentary online about what kind of foods we should be eating.  My question is, as one who admittedly doesn't eat enough fruits, vegetables, fiber (the list goes on) on a regular basis - how do people do it?  Seriously?  How do people manage to get daily portions of fruits, vegetables, nuts, whole grains, and healthy fats?  What does a day in that life look like? 

I like fruit and (most) vegetables as much as the next person, but at a certain point, don't you get sick of them?  There are only so many ways to prepare those foods - how do you not go crazy feeling like you're eating the same exact things every day?

I've always struggled with the idea that you have to eat multiple smaller meals throughout the day, rather than the standard 3 meals, to lose weight.  I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that one.  So, now, I'm struggling with how to eat a diet consisting of mainly grains, fruits and veggies - how do I do that?!?!?!

It's so tempting to stray from my path, but I can't decide if it's because I need a change, or because I'm getting restless and want faster results. 

Either way, I'm going to take a long hard look at some sample menus and consider making some big dietary changes starting next week. 

Any thoughts?

Weigh In # 6

Today is the day - another week in the books, another showdown with the scale.

As the stress of daily life, finances, and our upcoming move start to get to me, I feel like my emotional eating took over a bit this week.  The long, hot days of summer seem to blur my decision making process, and suddenly it's more about what sounds good than what is good.

So, this morning, after a brisk walk at the park with Ben and the dog, I came home and approached the dreaded scale.  To my delight, I found that I have lost another pound!

I am on week 6, and so far I've lost 7 pounds total!!!

While it is frustrating to chip away so slowly at the extra pounds that I long to be rid of, I am pleased to see the numbers in the scale continuing to move in a happy direction.

43 lbs to go, but for now I'm really looking forward to hitting the 10 lb mark!!!

My Road Block

Everywhere I look, there are articles, ads, commercials - you name it - geared towards weight loss. 

It seems that any time I click to Yahoo there is always some new weight loss article that catches my eye.  "Five Ways to Boost Your Metabolism", "Try These Moves For Perfect Abs", "Fitness Myths De-Bunked"...and the list goes on.

Of course, I do tend to click into the article (just to browse the bullet points), take a look at the exercises or tips for weight loss success, then click back out, more convinced than ever that nobody really knows how to lose weight - it's one big guessing game! 

Some suggestions you hear only once, while others keep resurfacing, making you believe (or want to believe) that there is some credibility to their claim. 

One such "friendly weight loss tip" that I always seem to come across is that eating more frequently is a good way to find success.  WHAT?!?!?!?!  Eating more to lose weight???  You want me to increase the amount of food I eat and expect to drop the pounds?  Are you insane?!?!?!?!

I literally hit a mental block with that one.  Maybe it's just me, but I find it hard to believe that if I eat more food that I'll lose weight.  I just can't wrap my head around it.  Yes, I realize that they don't mean that you can eat junk and expect to get thinner, but nevertheless, I don't get it! 

Growing up, we had 3 meals a day, maybe a snack after school, and that was it.  There was no junk food before dinner, no snacking in the evenings.  3 meals, and if you didn't eat, then you went hungry. 

Sure, snacking throughout the day would be loads of fun, but who has that kind of time?  Unless it's pre-packaged, pre-cooked, pre-sliced, or handed right to me in a ready-to-eat fashion, I simply won't do it.  I have enough other things happening during the day, the idea of taking time to eat something (nutritious) is just overwhelming.  

Maybe I've been pre-programmed to the "3 meals a day" protocol.  Maybe I just don't get it.  Maybe I'm just too terrified that if I eat (even healthy things) throughout the day that I'll gain weight. 

In any case, it's a road block that I haven't been able to overcome.

Weigh In # 5

Here we are, another week has gone by, and it's weigh in day. 

As I suspected would be the case, there was no change on the scale from my belated weigh in on Tuesday and this morning. 

But...I'm still losing weight, and I'm currently 1 pound ahead of my goal!  I'm hoping to drop 50 pounds in 50 weeks - I'm on week 5 and I've already lost 6 pounds. 

I am certainly seeing a pattern as the pounds come off - lose a few, stay the same, lose a few, stay the same...I just can't decide if this is a good thing, or just really annoying!

The remarkable thing is that I've lost this little bit of weight by doing the treadmill and hand weights. 

I chose the treadmill because it's the one mode of exercise that I don't absolutely hate, and the hand weights because, well, my arms need some help and I figured the treadmill wasn't enough by itself!  Lately, however, I've been wondering whether I need to integrate an alternate form of exercise into my routine.  Yes, I'm seeing some results, but I wonder if I'd see more results if I changed it up a bit. 

The challenge will be finding another type of exercise that I can do on a regular basis without getting frustrated.  I've tried so many different workouts, I can't seem to find my niche! 

So, for now, I'll just stick with the treadmill, because at least I'm seeing results every other week.  As long as the pounds keep coming off, I'll be happy.

Such a great feeling to see the number on the scale going in the right direction!

Getting Back On Track

Exactly what I was afraid would happen has happened. 

We took our trip to Ohio, I got out of my routine and now I'm having trouble getting back into "weight loss  mode".  Yes, I walked over 15 miles during Relay, and yes, I've been paying (some) attention to what I'm eating, but there's been a break in the program.  I feel like I'm starting over, even though I was only "off track" for a week. 

I'm pretty sure this is the point at which many people lose focus and give up.  They've seen some results (but nothing major), they're past the initial high of "Go me, look at what I'm doing!", and all it takes is one illness, one change in the schedule, or one lazy day to throw the entire plan out the window. 

At least I'm aware of it.  I see my weakness, I see where this dangerous road is leading (straight to the refrigerator), and I'm addressing it now before I'm so far off course I can't even remember what I was doing.  So, moving forward, I'll just have to keep reminding myself of my goal, so that maybe when I'm considering blowing off a workout, or having frozen yogurt with the kids (which I did today), I'll think twice.

I will prevail - I just need to find a way to get this chubby choo-choo back on track!

Belated Weigh In

We returned to California last night, after a long day of travel and a whirlwind visit in Ohio.  Whew - I'm exhausted! 

But, once I'd gotten a good night's sleep, my first order of business was to get my tushy on the scale!

The consistent workout schedule while in Ohio didn't exactly work out the way I thought it would, but hey, I walked (what we've estimated) about 15 miles between Friday and Saturday, so I'm still feeling pretty good. 

So...drum roll please....I'm down 3 more pounds!!!!! 

I realize that the results for this week's weigh in might be slightly skewed (since I plan to weigh in again on Friday), but in general, I couldn't be more pleased!

This morning I picked right back up with walking on the treadmill, so hopefully that will continue to be productive.  I'm just so glad that I had been working out leading up to Relay - otherwise I'm pretty sure Ben would have needed to carry me through the airports yesterday!

Feeling good - looking forward to losing the first 10 pounds!!!

No Gimmicks!

Sunday is infomercial day.  This morning at the hotel, I was flipping channels, and somehow got distracted and stopped on an infomercial for a weight loss plan. 

Now, I've seen my fair share of infomercials, and have even caught myself thinking "Wow, I wonder if that really works" or "Hmmmm, I could give that a try".  Fortunately for me, my thrifty nature (and common sense) pulls me back to reality before I can whip out my credit card!

This particular infomercial, however, seemed especially far fetched.  You sprinkle what looks like powdered sugar on "all your favorite foods" (as the annoying voice-over man explains), and you miraculously lose weight.  Um, yeah right!

As I tuned in and listened to what the magical pixie dust claimed to do, I realized how many gimmicks there are for weight loss. 

Sprinkle this on your food and you'll lose weight.  Eat this special combination of food and the pounds will just melt off your body.  Use this machine (or that one) and you'll be tone in no time. 

No matter how bizarre and unbelievable the claims appear, there are people willing to give the product a try.  I'm sure if there was someone out there claiming that if you eat a soup while standing on your head whistling the Star Spangled Banner you'd drop 10 pounds, there would be a line of people signing up. 

It's not so much that people are gullible (though many are), but I think it's more to do with laziness.  We just don't want to do the work to lose weight.  We want there to be a magic solution, a secret trick, a breakthrough that changes everything without any effort on our part.  

We forget that we didn't gain the weight overnight, so how can we expect to lose it overnight? 

As I return to my daily routine in California, I look forward to continuing with my daily exercise, and hope (please, oh pretty please) to continue to see the numbers on the scale go down. 

No gimmicks for me, just good old fashioned blood, sweat and tears (but mostly sweat).

Weight In # 4

Well, I've hit a little bit of a snag.  My parents do not have a scale at their house.  So, despite the fact that I stuck with my exercise routine, I won't be able to weigh in until I return to California on Monday night. 

Something tells me that I'll be down another couple of pounds, but we'll have to just wait and see. 

On a happy note, Relay For Life is going incredibly well!  There were severe thunderstorms in the forecast, and by some miracle, they passed us by with little more than a light drizzle.

We began walking at about 6:00 p.m., and finally left the track at about 1:00 a.m.  Needless to say, I didn't walk the entire time, but I'd say that I probably did between 5 and 6 miles - Ben and I even walked from 11:00 - 12:00 non-stop (except for a quick potty break).

So tonight, my feet are sore, my hips hurt, and I'm guessing that even getting from the bed to the bathroom will be a challenge in the morning. 

Tonight, as I walked lap after lap, I realized how lucky I am that I've been walking daily on the treadmill.  I've realized that the treadmill is a bit easier than walking on solid ground, but at least I've gotten myself into better shape in the last month - I can't imagine how much I'd be hurting if I went into this weekend with no prep work!

For now, I'm looking forward to a few hours of sleep, rest for my poor feet, and a fresh start tomorrow.

Looking forward to a weigh in on Monday night!

Waiting For Results

I'm ready for some results!  I've been exercising every day (something I never could have imagined that I'd do), and watching what I eat for almost a month, and now I'm ready to see some changes.

While there have been subtle changes (I have more energy, I feel better, etc.), there is nothing better than the first comment you get from someone who has noticed that you've lost weight.  And I'm ready for that!

A few nights ago, Ben and I stood for a few minutes, studying my face, because it looked to me that my (always chubby) cheeks were looking slightly thinner.  Yes, this was a nice feeling, but I'm just ready for something more than having to ask "does my face look less chubby to you?"

I know I need to just stick with it - losing weight slowly over time is going to be better in the long run than dropping 15 pounds and then struggling to keep it off.  I really do know and accept all that - I just want to see a difference now!  I want my clothes to be looser.  I want to wake up and not see a double chin glaring at me from my reflection.  I want to be able to connect my bra on a the next smaller hook!

The best I can do is stick with my routine, knowing that it's better than the alternative.  The logical side of my brain reminds me that I will see results eventually, meanwhile, the emotional part of my brain makes me want to stomp my feet and whine about it not happening fast enough.

On a slightly related note, since I recently admitted my insecurities about flying (and stressing about whether I'll fit in the seats), last night Ben and I boarded a plane on our way to Ohio.  I had the opportunity to upgrade us to first class (totally worth it for Sacramento to Houston) then we were blessed to have a not full flight from Houston to Cleveland.  The good news: I wasn't sandwiched in between Ben and a total stranger, and was able to buckle my seat belt.  The bad news: I had to struggle.  Hope to have better luck on our return flight on Monday!

Weigh in on Friday - fingers crossed again!

Shopping Success...Sort Of

There are few things that can dampen one's motivation more than a shopping trip.  Unfortunately, yesterday, it couldn't be avoided.  

I recently went through my closet and pulled out enough clothes to fill several garbage bags.  While some of the items were just worn out, most of them flat out didn't fit me anymore, so it was time that they go.  It was a wonderful cleansing exercise, but in the end, I realized that I probably couldn't get by with one pair of jeans and black gaucho pants that I've had since roughly 2005.

So, I ventured into a few different stores, hoping to find some cheap replacements for the clothes I just purged from my wardrobe.

Since I'm convinced that fitting room mirrors are evil, I had to rely on Ben's opinion more than my own on how I looked. Fortunately, he was pretty honest about the things I tried on.  He would veto or approve pants, shirts, and was a really good sport about it.  I, in turn, tried not to take things personally when clothes didn't fit or he didn't like them.  One shirt in particular, had a drawstring under the bust line, to accentuate the smallest part of the torso.  I understand the thought process behind those tops, but somehow I always feel like I'm in maternity clothing - and I really don't think I can handle someone asking me when I'm due, especially since I'm not even pregnant!  Poor Ben confirmed my fears when I asked him "Does it make me look pregnant?", and he replied "A little" quickly adding "but not for long!".  Bless his heart - needless to say, that shirt was returned to the rack.

By the end of the day, I had made some progress.  I purchased a sleeveless shirt (that Ben picked out), 2 pairs of capri pants, and 2 light weight zip up tops (for layering).  While it was something of a success, I was really in my head about the whole thing.  I was frustrated to be the same size, and hating the way I looked in everything.  Even though I was completely drained, I continue to look forward to the day that clothes shopping is slightly less traumatic!

The next several days will be something of a challenge, at least leading up to Relay on Friday and Saturday.  I literally haven't missed a day of exercise, so I'm not about to start now.  I'll just need to get creative with exercise in Ohio!

I'm already looking forward to my weigh in on Friday - I hope I can trust the scale at my parents' house!

Weight In # 3

Let me start this week's weigh in post with a brief pat on the back for myself.  I have busted my tail, made good food choices, and have done something active every day for 3 weeks.  Whether it's weights, hitting the treadmill, or walking a few miles with the dog - I've been moving!

Today's weigh in could have been a little frustrating, but I'm not letting it get to me. 

I stepped on the scale this morning, and the number had crept up .5 pounds.  Yes, I'm blessed (or cursed) to have a scale that measures in half pounds. 

But, as I said, I'm not letting the fact that I didn't lose anything this week get to me, for a couple of reasons. 

#1 - I'm still on track.  I've lost 3 pounds in 3 weeks, which was exactly my goal!

#2 - I'm feeling good, and really have not had too much trouble staying motivated - hopefully that will continue.

#3 - Considering the fact that I've been experiencing bloating, water retention, food cravings, and numerous other delightful symptoms associated with PMS, I'm counting this week as a victory (because it could have been a lot worse).

Now, looking ahead to the weekend and next week - I see a few challenges. 

First, it's supposed to rain all weekend, which will make walking the dog at the park a little difficult (and soggy).  So, I'll either have to get creative with exercise at home, or stick with the treadmill. 

Second, we leave Tuesday night to fly to Ohio to participate in Relay For Life with my mom.  While I know that during Relay on Friday and Saturday I'm going to walk miles upon miles upon miles, I'm concerned about getting some exercise in during the rest of our trip.  I'm somewhat torn between not wanting to overdo it with Relay, but wanting to keep the motivation going.  Also, with no exercise equipment on hand, I'll have to get creative with what I do!

For now, however, I'm going to be happy that I didn't gain more than half a pound this week, and look forward to an Ohio weigh in next Friday!

Stress I Don't Need

Being overweight makes everything more complicated.  For those of us who are self conscious, insecure, and uncomfortable in our own skin, most normal activities don't come easily to us - everything is a chore!

The obvious nightmare is shopping.  Clothes, bras, bathing suits (gulp) - if I'm brave enough to venture into a changing room with my potential purchases, it almost always ends in tears.  Over the years, I've learned that it's just easier to shop online, and try it on in the confines of my own bedroom, where I can laugh or cry in private.

Almost as stressful as clothes shopping is eating in public.  Restaurants are bad enough - I always feel like if I order anything but a salad the "chubby police" will come and issue me a ticket for reckless consuming.  Now, occasionally, Ben and I will go for ice cream (or frozen yogurt).  God forbid!!!!  I can just feel the eyes on me, and can almost hear people thinking "Oh, yeah, like she needs to be eating that!"  Maybe this is just my own insecurity talking, but there it is just the same. 

While it's probably not surprising that I find these seemingly simple activities stressful, this next one may come as more of a shock. 

Nowadays, many people are nervous about flying.  Between lines at security, delays, layovers, mechanical difficulties, and those darn terrorists - it's gotten to be something of a headache.  While I am still plagued by all these factors when traveling, the thing that seems to get me the most worked up is the actual riding in the plane. 

I hate (yes, using the H word) airplane seats.  For days leading up to my travels, I worry and stress about whether I'm actually going to fit in the seat, and if I'll be able to get the seat belt fastened!  As someone with broad shoulders, long legs, and wide ("birthing") hips, I can't remember the last time I was actually comfortable on an airplane.  I don't know who they had in mind when they designed those silly little seats, but it certainly wasn't a grown adult taller than about 5'2! 

And don't get me started on what happens if  I happen to be seated next to someone else who is less than petite.  I hate fighting for the arm rest, or worse, being next to the guy who just assumes the armrest is his, and has no qualms about planting his elbow squarely in my ribs.

At least when I travel with Ben, we can put up the armrest between us, so that I can "overflow" into his personal space, rather than into the poor soul on my other side.  Gone are the days of having empty seats on a plane, when there was often a middle seat with no occupant, and you could spread out a little bit and relax. 

So, with our trip to Ohio coming up next week, the stress has already taken hold.  I'm wondering who will be next to me during our red-eye flight (and if I'll have to plaster myself to Ben in an attempt to keep all the parts of me from wandering into someone else's seat), how big the seats will actually be, and whether I'll be able to click the seat belt without having to suck in my stomach until my face turns red and I see stars!

I know that there's not much I can do about it - I'll be the same size on Tuesday no matter what, unless I chop off one of my arms, but even that wouldn't affect how the darn seat belt fits anyway! 

Instead of contemplating amputation any further, I'll keep plugging along with what I'm doing, while fantasizing about the day that I don't have to worry about whether my tushy will fit comfortably into the seat! 

Weight in # 3 tomorrow - fingers crossed!!!