Exercising: Plus Size Style

One of the biggest problems I have found during my journey to a skinnier (less fat) me, is the exercising.  

Aside from the process of actually mustering the motivation to get off my lazy keester and do something, I find that the act of exercising is the challenge.  

I would love nothing more than to go to a weekly Step class, or aerobics, or heaven forbid...Zumba!  Time and cost not being factors, I would love to have something that I enjoyed that I could go out and do, preferably on my way home from work 2 nights per week.

But...I'm too self conscious!  

Several years ago, when I lived in Columbus, I went with my neighbor to her Spin class.  Now, keep in mind, this was about 5 years and at least 75 pounds ago.  

It was the worst hour of my life.  I was humiliated!  My ass didn't fit on the seat of the bike, I was sweating like a pig, and I was so sore that I could barely walk to the car after class - meanwhile, tiny stick insect girls were happily bouncing up and down on their bikes, complete with flawless make up and a noticeable lack of sweat.

It's not a coordination thing.  I played sports, I took dance classes - I'm pretty sure I can rhythmically step from side to side while moving my arms around. 

It's the fact that group fitness classes are seldom geared towards those of us who live at the plus sized end of the spectrum.  We're unceremoniously thrust into a class with women who are "trying to get back to a size 2".  Um...I'm trying to get my size into the low double digits! 

That's what someone needs to come up with - a class specifically for folks with too much junk in the trunk.  They'd make a fortune!  And, no, Richard Simmons and "Sweatin' to the Oldies" doesn't count...although....

Here's what I want:

Low impact
All-inclusive workout (strength, flexibility, cardio)
Does not require moves that my extra baggage will not allow (low lunges, crunches, jumping jacks - nobody wants to see this bouncing around)
Minimum weight requirement of 200 pounds.  

And none of this "all fitness levels are welcome" bullshit!  Instead, it needs to read "suitable for those who will sweat like a pig, will be tired and ready for a break 10 minutes in, and may require the use of an oxygen mask following class".

Now, THAT'S a class that I'd pay money for!  

Until it exists, I think I'm stuck with needing to lose weight before I sign up for a class to help me lose more weight - there's something very wrong with that...

Tight Jeans

Tight jeans...we've all been there. 

You do your laundry, you dry your jeans, and they shrink!  So, before you can attempt to button them, you have to do that thing where you bend over, squat, and lunge to stretch them into wearable condition.

This happened to me this week.  I pulled on my trouser jeans for work and felt like I was pulling them on straight out of the dryer...

...except...they weren't straight out of the dryer.

Nope...my jeans, magically, inexplicably, (and likely at the hands of the same evil elves that work my scale), shrunk practically overnight.  Yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Damn you, little elves!

My jeans are my barometer for whether I'm gaining, losing or maintaining my weight.  So, judging by the amount of "sucking in" I had to do to squeeze my ass into them...I'd say I've definitely gained in the last week or so.

Ugh!!! 

Tight jeans are the worst, probably because there's no ignoring them.  They don't stretch, they don't give, and you can't escape the urge to jam a straw into your thigh and start sucking out the fat (or is that just me?)

I know it's the holidays...and gaining weight is practically a requirement...but I was sooo hoping that it wouldn't happen to me!

So, tonight, instead of eating dinner and vegging out in front of the tv with a dish of ice cream, Ben and I threw on our work out clothes, walked down to the apartment complex clubhouse and worked out in the gym!!!!!

I'm hoping to be (comfortably) back in my trouser jeans soon!

After Thanksgiving

Why is it that we feel the need to gorge ourselves on Thanksgiving?  Is it just expected?  Do we follow the lead of those around us?  Darn you peer pressure!!!

I thought I did pretty well over Thanksgiving.  I didn't eat until I was sick, I could still button my pants after dinner, and I only had one (ok, two) pieces of cheesecake for dessert.

Now, however, I feel like I've entered the "it's the holiday season" mentality - soooo dangerous! 

We've already gone through several bags of seasonal candy - I see it in the store and think about how festive it would look in a red bowl on my counter, rather than how unattractive I'll look when it joins the rest of the fat on my ass!

I've gotten out of my exercise routine...again...and am struggling to find my way back.

I feel myself fighting - I don't want to give in and figure that I'll start fresh with healthy eating in January. 

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I will be strong!  I will eat salads!  I will avoid the candy aisle at the store.  I will not give in to cravings.

I...WILL...NOT...EAT...JUNK...FOOD!!!!!!!!

Ok, you and I both know that's a lie.  I want peppermint bark.  I want Christmas cookies.  I want hot chocolate with marshmallows.

BUT...I will do my best to not overdo it. 

I will focus on how good it will feel when I don't have to buy new pants in January because my regular jeans suddenly look like skinny jeans on me!

While I don't expect to lose weight over the holidays (haha...not so much unlikely, but damn near impossible), I'll do my best not to gain!!!

Pre-Holiday Plan

(Oops...I posted this to my "Making Lemonade" blog by accideent - that's what I get for working on these at 11:30 at night!)

I'm boycotting my weigh-in this week (again).  In fact, I'll probably be boycotting my scale through January!

I've decided that evil little elves live in the scale and mess with the numbers just to see my reaction each week.

I'm sure I put on a pretty good show - stripping down to my underwear, carefully stepping onto the scale silently praying that I've lost weight, my eyes slowly bugging out of my head as I focus my eyes on the number shining up at me, doing rapid mental calculations about what I've eaten since my last weigh in (I'm sure I look something like a monkey attempting math).

I've had enough...the show is over!  You're cut off, you little bastards!

I refuse to give up!

I'm still working out...I'm still trying to make good choices...I'm still drinking a ton of water every day...

While my clothes still fit the same, I have noticed that my knee-high boots are fitting a little looser.  I used to work a little harder to get them zipped...whereas now I zip them and then deal with them slouching down a bit during the day.

Progress?  Sure...I'll pretend that my legs are a teeny bit skinnier (rather than the more likely scenario that my boots have just stretched out a bit).

I realize that heading into the holidays is the worst time to attempt to lose weight.  Figure if I struggle so much during the rest of the year, I don't have a prayer.

However...I'm going to maintain.  I'm not going to try to maintain...I'm just going to do it!  I'll keep working out...keep drinking water...and keep (sort of) making good food choices.

Fingers crossed that I can do this!!!!

Keeping Track

Wouldn't it be great if there were a place to go to log in all the food that I eat during the day? 

And wouldn't it be a wonderful if that same place would let me track my weight?

And is it too much to ask to have that magical place give me some feedback about what I need to eat more of or less of? 

And...dare I dream...could it also maybe tell me how I'm doing and how much weight I'll lose if I keep eating a certain way???

Would you believe such a magical place exists???  My darling friend Tricia introduced me to www.myfitnesspal.com last week...and I think I'm in love.

It tells me how many calories, carbs, fats, and proteins I should have each day.  It updates how much of everything I'm allowed to have when I exercise.  The tool that logs in my food has actually heard of restaurants like Panera, Breuggers, and East of Chicago Pizza, so I don't have to guess the nutritional value of my meals. 

I finally feel like I'm holding myself accountable without struggling to eat a certain number of points each day (no offense Weight Watchers).  I'm making conscious choices to have more protein, fewer carbs, and love the feeling of plugging in my exercise for the day!

I said it before...and I'll say it again...I think I'm in love!!!

*Maybe this will give me the edge that I need to finally kick the junk in my trunk to the curb!

**Thank you, Tricia!!!!

Feeling Lighter

I think I lost about 10 pounds today!

No, I didn't lose a limb, and no I didn't have some insane stomach bug.

I did, however, chop off a little more than 10 inches of my hair. 

For those who don't know - I have heavy hair.  It may not look like much, but it weighs a TON!!!! 

So, tonight, without dieting, without psychotic amounts of exercise - I'm certain that I've lost some weight!

P.S.  I'm giving myself a break from the weekly weigh ins.  I'm tired of stressing myself out about what the evil scale will say this week, I'm tired of not seeing changes week to week, and I've decided that for the next few weeks I'm going to gauge my weight loss based on how my clothes fit and how I feel, rather than a number on a scale (an evil scale).

I Hate My Scale!

I was so excited to weigh in today.  After last week's weigh in at the doctor (which I still haven't gotten over), I was convinced that this week would be better.

I was wrong. 

While I now apparently weigh less than I did last week in the doctor's office (which was about 10 pounds more than I weighed on my home scale), I am up 4 pounds on my scale.

I don't understand!

I've been careful about what I've been eating, I went to the store and bought all kinds of healthy snacks to have at work, I've been exercising every morning before work...

I know it's going to be a process...I was just hoping for some results! 

Frustration aside, I rocked the bike again this morning.  25 minutes, 7.5 miles, and 430 calories - go me!!!

A Medical Explanation...

I went to the doctor last week. 

Always a pleasure (until the nurse makes you climb up on the scale, watches as the number slowly rises, and tries not to make eye contact as she jots down your weight on the chart).

While I was there, it was suggested that I have some blood work done, since it had been a while, and, let's be honest, I look like the poster girl for Type II Diabetes.

So, I played along, I had my blood taken, and have been patiently waiting to find out whether I have diabetes, hypothyroidism, or any other weight-related ailment.

Obviously, I would never in a million years wish illness on myself (or anyone else for that matter), but I've found myself wondering whether my weight issues were due to some unseen, untreated medical condition. 

Today, I got my answer. 

No.  Indeed, my weight troubles are of my own making.

My blood work, as it turns out, came back basically normal.  No diabetes, no thyroid problems, no nothing.

Yes, this is good news, and yes, I'm relieved - go me for being fairly healthy despite the extra pounds I've packed on over the years.

But, the bad news is, there's no excuse for it...I'm just fat.  There isn't a medical explanation...there isn't some condition that happens to lead to the steady weight gain that I've been experiencing over the last decade...it's just me.

So, free of genetic predispositions and biological restrictions, I will press on with my attempt at weight loss, having no one to blame for failure but myself.

On a positive note...I weigh in tomorrow...and at least I can expect the number to be back in the normal range, instead of the insanely high number that mysteriously appeared on the evil scale at the doctor's office last week.

A Medical Weigh In

Why is it that the scale in the doctor's office always seems to read about 10 pounds heavier than the scale at home?

Do they do that on purpose?  Are they trying to mess with our heads?  I'm sure upping the scales at a fitness center is a common practice, but when my greatest fear about going to the doctor centers around having to step onto the scale at the beginning of the appointment...something is terribly wrong.

I went to the doctor today.  Always a pleasure.  Has there ever been a case of someone going to the doctor for good news?  I'm not talking about going to the OB because you're having a baby...I'm talking about a plain old general practitioner.  When is it ever good? 

It's always something charming like the flu...strep throat...an ear infection...a suspicious rash...chronic headaches...a funny lump...high blood pressure...too much fat on your ass...

Whatever the reason - going to the doctor is never fun.  Now...I find myself not only stressing over the actual reason for my appointment...but also about the fact that a stranger is going to see and write down what I weigh.

So, once I got over the INSANELY HIGH number that the scale claimed I now weigh (which I'm choosing not to believe), I was going about my business with the nurse practitioner when she started to (quite innocently) ask when I'd last had blood work done...had my thyroid levels ever been checked...I'm sure you see where this is going. 

Next thing I know, I'm down in the lower level of the office getting my blood taken so that they can run a whole array of tests to find out whether I'm fat on purpose or because I can't help it.

Ok, I'm sure it was put in nicer terms that that...but I'm still feeling traumatized by that darn scale.

Long story short - I had to weigh in at the doctor...it wasn't pretty...I think the scale lies!!!!

I'm hoping that if I have to go in for a follow up appointment, they'll spare me the embarrassment of stepping on the scale again and just ask me to walk around the waiting room naked instead!

A New Routine

Ok, people, we're trying something new.  Well, not exactly something new...I'm adopting a practice that seemed to be working for me a few months ago back in California.

I'm going to start getting up early, working out, then showering and going to work.

This morning was Day 1 of "The New Routine".  I set my alarm for 6:30, hit the snooze until 6:40, climbed out of bed and into some semi-workout gear, trudged the 10 steps from the bedroom to the living room, and hopped onto my bike.

25 minutes, 7 miles, 400 calories, and a Friends episode later, I was ready to start the day.

I got the yawns at about 8:00 tonight, but aside from that, it was a great day, even though it started earlier than usual.

I've set a few episodes of various aerobic workouts to record, so that I can change it up a bit and not solely rely on my stationary bike for exercise.

But, for now, seeing as I have about 45 recorded episodes of Friends on the DVR, I'll stick with the bike and pray that the motivation doesn't fly out the window as soon as the alarm goes off tomorrow morning!

Rock Bottom

Oh, how I wish this blog's title was a clever play on words about how rockin' my tushy is, but alas, it is not.

I think I've officially hit rock bottom. 

No, I didn't get the "when are you due?" question from a stranger (which, by the way, is literally my biggest fear).

But I did catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror while I was sitting on the bed. 

OH DEAR GOD!!!! 

I don't know if it was just the most unflattering angle EVER, or if the mirror is one of those trick mirrors that adds an extra 10 (ok 50) pounds, but I did a double take before throwing up a little in my mouth at my own reflection.

This must stop!

I'm the heaviest I've ever been, and yes I've lost just over 10 pounds (P.S., the fact that I was 10 pounds heavier than this is frightening), but I need a massive jump start!

Drinking the water, trying to make smart food choices (I'm pretty sure the seasonal M&Ms that we keep buying don't fit into any kind of a weight loss plan), exercising (yes, I still have big plans for exercise)...I feel like there must be something more to the equation that I'm missing.

Help!!!!

Eating Well...Worth It?

Ben and I ate very well this week.  We got to go out a few times, we had beef strogannof (my personal favorite), basically there was a lot of yummy food that was neither healthy or unhealthy.

I somehow always feel guilty when I feel like I've had good meals.  I'm not the type of person to go binge on a bucket of KFC, nor do I indulge in a gallon of ice cream if the mood strikes!  Even when we go to restaurants, or order in, or even cook at home...I don't feel like I make terrible choices. 

So, somehow I need to get rid of this guilt. 

This week, my weight stayed the same...again.  On one hand...yay, but on the other hand...really?

I feel like it's time to kick this thing into high gear.  I'm making smart food choices (trying to, at least), drinking gallons of water (I've basically given up drinking anything else), but now I think it's time to commit to exercise in a big way!

I've fallen back into the whole work routine, wherein I get up and go to work in the morning, I work for 8 hours, then I drive home, eat dinner, relax a bit, and then go to bed.  I need to find time in there to work out. 

I think my best bet is to get on the bike in the evening, after dinner, but before bed, so that I can burn some calories but cool down before climbing under the covers for the night.

Time to find my happy medium with eating, working, and exercising!!!

Belated Weigh In...Again

My days of the week are all screwed up!  I thought Thursday was Friday, I thought Friday was Saturday, and somewhere in the middle, I forgot to weigh in.

So, this morning, when I woke up and figured out exactly what day of the week it was, I stepped onto the scale to see how I'd done this week.

I'm down another pound!  YES!!!!!

I haven't done much that's different, except for the fact that I'm drinking water like it's going out of style! 

I recently bought a lovely pink plastic to-go cup (thanks Target) that I've taken to filling up and carrying with me everywhere I go.  LOVE IT!!! 

Thanks to my nifty little cup (and our filtered water), I'm drinking lots of water while not spending money on bottled water! 

I'm even taking it to work with me and filling it up 4 or 5 times a day!

The one hitch in my grand plan of water consumption is that I have to pee constantly!  Seriously, it's been a true exercise in bladder control!

The good news is that I know that I'm hydrated.  The better news...once I get used to my new schedule and actually eat 3 meals a day (I'm currently either eating breakfast and skipping lunch, or vice versa, which I know is bad), I'm thinking that I'll be doing even better!

Now I just need to get consistent with my exercise, and hopefully then the pounds will just melt away.

Here's hoping!

Dig These Threads

A number of factors led to my decision to spend last weekend shopping for new clothes.

1.) New job = Need for work-appropriate wardrobe (which I did not have)

2.) I purged my wardrobe in California before we moved, including the one pair of jeans that fit (I figured since they had holes in them, I could try a little harder)

3.) Given the fact that I haven't lived in Northeast Ohio for over 4 years, I realized that my "California wardrobe" was not going to cut it in the cooler (ok, frigid) temperatures that Ohio brings in the fall and winter months

4.) I'm 30 years old...I should start dressing like a grown up, not a kid in college (enter my traditional sweatshirt, jeans and flip flops wardrobe)

So, given all of this, it seemed appropriate to spend a little money (and when I say "a little money", I mean "more money than I've ever spent on clothes before") and invest in some upgrades.

I've never claimed to be a fashionista - in fact, I'm usually hard pressed to put a decent outfit together if I haven't first seen it on a mannequin or in a magazine.  Sure, I see outfits on other people that I like (and usually a lot that I don't like), but I was not blessed with the gene that allows me to replicate it!  And even if I could create a decent looking outfit, odds are I'd talk myself out of trying it on, for fear that it wouldn't fit.

So, there I was in Avenue (a store specifically geared towards those of us who lean towards the plus size end of the spectrum), trying desperately to break out of my long sleeved t-shirt and bootcut jeans funk.

Ben, being the saint that he is, dutifully walked through the store as I went through my usual recital of "I couldn't wear something like that", "No, that's not my style", "Look how expensive this is!", and "Ugh, I'm never going to find anything, let's just go home."

He was patient, attentive, and gently encouraging as I slowly loaded my arms with my new "breakout" wardrobe. 

He sat silently as I trudged into the fitting room to begin what I was sure would be an embarrassing exercise in how chubby girls shouldn't wear certain things.

As I slowly made my way through the pile of clothes that I'd selected to try on, we both became more and more encouraged.  I was actually finding things that I liked! 

Jeans that fit - CHECK!
A cute tie-in-front sweater - CHECK!
A pair of semi-dress pants for work - CHECK!

I started to panic a bit when I got to the skinny jeans and leggings, that I'd agreed to try on, but was positive would look ridiculous on me.  I try desperately to hide the shape of my legs (is lumpy even a shape?), so the idea of accentuating them felt a little strange.  But, there I was, humoring my husband by trying on an outfit that I would have NEVER had the courage to try on my own.

Now, I know that the people who work in these stores are paid to tell you how fabulous you look, but when I came out of the dressing room wearing a tunic sweater, leggings, and knee-high boots (and feeling seriously self-conscious), they began to swarm.  Literally, they stopped their conversations to come get a closer look at me in my new "Oh, I'm so self-conscious, I don't know that I'll ever wear this" outfit.

The only opinion I was really interested in in was Ben's - I knew he'd tell me honestly if I looked ridiculous.  As it turns out, he didn't need to speak for me to know what he thought of my new look.  I've honestly never felt better about myself than I did when I saw the look on Ben's face.  His eyes lit up as he slowly looked me over from head to toe and tried to hide his enthusiasm as I worked through my insecurities.

Long story short, shopping is a nightmare, and being plus sized and shopping is flat out torture!  But, when you have a patient husband, a willing spirit, and a credit score good enough to qualify you for the store credit card (thus granting you additional discounts on your purchase), it's worth the hassle to come away with some wardrobe pieces that actually fit properly and make you look like you're capable of more than rolling out of bed and falling into whatever clothes happen to be close by!

I came away with my first pair of skinny jeans, leggings, and knee-high boots - now I just need to work up the guts to wear all of it out in public!

Post PMS Weigh In

After my last post about battling the monthly evils of PMS, I was a little concerned.  While I think it's time that I embrace a guilt-free time of the month, I don't want for it to be ok that I pig out whenever I want to!

Unfortunately, since I started my new job yesterday (yay), I forgot to weigh in.  So, I had to jump on the scale this morning to see what kind of damage the box of Cheez-Its had done.

Amazingly, I have not gained weight!  Of course, I didn't lose weight either, but considering what my week was like, I'm perfectly happy with maintaining! 

My hope is that as I settle into a new routine with my job, I'll be able to find a set time to workout. 

Whether it happens in the morning before I leave, or in the evenings after dinner, I am determined to continue with my bike. 

On that note, I worked out on the bike again this morning.  10 miles seems to be my new favorite distance.  I've realized that there is a bit of a discrepancy in how fast I get there, but I work best with a goal in mind, so I figure as long as I get to 10 miles (around the 30 minute mark), I'm good to go!

PMS

Is it wrong that I've managed to eat an entire box of Cheez-Its in less than a week? 

Is it wrong that as I sit here sucking up the last of the crumbs I'm wondering what else we have hiding in the kitchen?

Is it wrong that I don't find fault in blaming my once monthly eating binge on PMS?

If doing these things is wrong, then I don't want to be right. 

I try to eat healthy, I exercise, I order salads in restaurants, hell, I even dip my fork in salad dressing (as opposed to dumping the entire container onto that crisp bed of lettuce) so as not to consume extra calories!

So, shouldn't that entitle me to a few days of guilt-free eating of the foods that only the evils of PMS can drive me to?

I think so!

Yes, I'm sure there are healthy alternatives, ways to ward off the onset of PMS...but when a craving for something salty hits, there are not enough good intentions in the world to hold me back from the refrigerator!

I know I'm weighing in tomorrow, and I'm already anticipating the bloating, water retention, and consequences of eating the box of Cheez-Its to catch up with me. 

It's fine...I'll do better next week.  But for now...somebody hook me up with some ice cream!!!

Side Effects

We've established that I love my stationary bike.  Yes, it was the best $200 (or however much it cost me) I've ever spent!

Unfortunately, the side effects of pedaling to my heart's content are catching up with me. 

This morning, for example, I hit my all-time personal best.  30 minutes, 10 miles, and burned just over 600 calories - YES!!!!

So, here I sit, an hour later...I've finally stopped sweating (literally, in the last 10 minutes or so), but my booty region (read into that what you want) is still numb, which I know will be followed by full on soreness later today.  My legs have finally stopped twitching (a symptom of exercise that I could certainly do without), but until I shower, my formerly sweaty bangs will be plastered to my forehead, no matter what I do to them.

Wouldn't it be great to do a workout and have the benefits of feeling good afterwards (which I love), without the hassle of boob sweat, red tomato face, twitching legs, and sore tushy for the rest of the day? 

Oh, if only!

However, at this point, the pros far outweigh the cons, so bring on the twitching, quivering, numb, sore, sweaty, red-faced version of me - as long as all that means that the pounds keep coming off!

Another Weigh In

I was mentally prepared for my weigh in this morning.  I was resigned to the fact that the number on the scale might have gone up instead of down (again), and I was willing to accept the inevitable without digging a hole, or curling up in the corner to cry.

But...I wasn't prepared for this. 

I am officially back to my "low weight" before we moved!!!!!

I couldn't believe it!

I was so surprised, I stepped off and stepped right back on, just to make sure that the scale wasn't malfunctioning, or playing a cruel joke on me. 

But, that magical number kept staring right back at me. 

Eureka!!!!

Talk about great motivation! 

I have no idea why this week was so different from last week and I have no idea what I did differently.

I only know that I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and hope that those pesky numbers keep going down!

I Heart My Bike!

Ever since we left California (and the treadmill conveniently situated in front of the tv), I've been concerned about getting back into an exercise routine.

I was on such a kick there for a while, working out every day, really paying attention to what I was eating...and then we moved.  The routine changed, and I lost my motivation.

Yes, we've been forced to walk the dog, rather than open the sliding door and let her run around in the backyard.  But, for whatever reason, despite the 20 miles of walking trails that we have behind our apartment, I don't feel like I get a very good workout simply walking the dog.

Also, and I realize this is a bit of a waste, I still have not paid a visit to our apartment complex's workout room.  Perhaps I was traumatized by the fitness center in my last apartment (where I found dog crap in the corner and some mystery goo that kept making the treadmill stick), or maybe I'm just incredibly lazy.  Whatever the explanation, I'm just not feeling it.

Because of all this, I have a new appreciation for my stationary bike. 

I love it!

First, and this shows what kind of a lazy bum I really am, I love that I get to sit down while I pedal along.  Yes, my tushy is numb after about 5 minutes, but somehow the sitting down part overrides the part of my brain that recognizes what I'm doing as exercise, and that makes me happy.

Second, I find that I can increase my speed with relative ease (as opposed to increasing the speed on the treadmill, which makes me feel like I'm going to die).

Third, it seems like I get better results on my bike.  As I plug away on the treadmill, it seems to take forever for the little red lights to complete a full "lap" on the digital track, and by the end, even though I'm sweating like a pig, panting like a dog, and have a face that very closely resembles a tomato, I have only burned 45 calories.  On the bike, I zip along, rapidly pedaling away mile after mile, and by the end of my "journey", I can click through all the options telling me how far I went, what my average speed was, and most importantly, how many calories I burned. 

Today, for example, I was on the bike for about 30 minutes.  I rode almost 9 miles, and burned 500 calories - yes!

It's this sense of satisfaction that will inspire me to lug the bike out of the spare bedroom on a daily basis, park my booty in front of the tv, and pedal away hundreds of calories at a time.

I heart my bike!!!

Weighing In...

I'm beginning to dread Fridays.  This is a shame, because Fridays are supposed to be fun!

This morning, I was shocked (yes, shocked) to discover that I've gained 3.5 pounds.  That's right - I'm 3.5 pounds heavier this Friday than I was last Friday.

Um...WHAT?!?!?!?!?! 

How does that happen?  Nothing has changed, I've been eating the same, exercising more (if not the same amount) - what is my body doing to me???

Is it stress?  The stress of having only one income?  The stress of having to job hunt?  The stress about not hearing back on jobs that I've applied for?  Stress over what my next step should be?

Why can't I be one of those people who gets stressed and loses weight?  Seriously, I'd be on a feeding tube if I lost weight every time I got stressed. 

But, alas, that is not how my body works - as soon as I feel even a teensy touch of stress, it's like my brain sends out signals to hold onto the fat for dear life!

Anyway, either I need to reprogram my body to handle stress in the exact opposite way, or I need to minimize my stress - I'm honestly not sure which method seems more feasible! 

Last night, I did the stationary bike for 25 minutes, went 7 miles and burned 400 calories - I'm going to stick with it, and hopefully undo the damage that all this stress has done!

Back On The Weigh In Train

Choo choo, choo choo, here comes the weigh in train. 

Who's ready to hop aboard? 

I've gotten really used to not doing the weigh ins.  Yes, my scale was packed.  Yes, I took my time finding it.  And yes, I enjoyed not having a string of minor panic attacks between Thursday night and Friday morning leading up to my weekly weigh in. 

But, the scale has been located, unpacked, and has taken up permanent residence leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door (because the bathroom literally does not have the floor space to accommodate the 12 inch by 12 inch scale).

So, it cannot be avoided any longer - time for the big weigh in reveal.

I.....drum roll.....

stayed the same....again. 

I've been slacking on the exercise, which is my big problem.  I'm pretty sure that if I get myself back in the habit of working out every day, not matter what, that I'll begin to see the numbers on the scale move in a direction that doesn't make me want to curl up in a corner to cry!

A new week, (hopefully) lower temperatures, and a true desire to make some progress!!!

Slowing Down

I was just starting to feel like motivation was on my side.  I was excited about utilizing the walking path that passes just behind our apartment, and was looking forward to getting out for the daily exercise that I've been missing since we moved. 

That is...until Sunday. 

We were up insanely early (due to an apartment malfunction), so I took advantage of the extra time and cool morning temperatures to take Mia for a walk, while Ben waited for the maintenance man to arrive. 

So, out we went, adopting a brisk pace, feeling good, when suddenly, I felt a tingle in my toe...the kind of tingle that can only mean one thing...a blister. 

Unfortunately, by the time I turned around and got back to our apartment, I was feeling identical tingles in both feet...yes, 2 rather large blisters had managed to appear over the course of about 30 minutes.

Blisters are definitely no fun, especially when they break open (which one of mine did).  So, I'll be taking a few days to keep them wrapped and hopefully let them heal before I head back out to resume my walking schedule.

In the meantime, I'll probably pull the stationary bike out of the guest room and begin pedaling my way to fitness (assuming the bike doesn't irritate the blisters the way walking seems to). 

Minor adjustments...but I'm trying to keep my motivation!!!

A Successful Weigh In!

Helpful tip, for all those who battle the scale every week...scales do not work when you put them on carpet. 

DUH!!!

My darling husband discovered my error, and very sweetly informed me that the scale was working this morning.  He didn't laugh or make fun of my silly mistake, just put the scale on the bathroom floor and left the room.  Bless his heart! 

So, fully expecting to see that the number had jumped 10 pounds, and that I was going to be even heavier then I was to begin with, I climbed onto my (perfectly functioning) scale. 

It might seem silly, but I was delighted to see that I'm only up 2 pounds from my last weigh in, which was done before we left California! 

Victory is mine!!!  This is exactly the motivation I need.  While I haven't been losing consistently, at least I'm not starting from scratch!!!

A new week, new motivation, and new resolve to beat back those numbers on the scale!!!

A Weigh In...Almost

Today, I found the scale.  Yes, I racked my brain trying to remember which bag I had last seen it in (way back in California), located it in the mountain of stuff in the guest room, and after a few deep breaths decided that it was, at last, time to face the music.

So, I closed my eyes, stepped on, and......I was almost 100 pounds under my last registered weight. 

Um....yeah...don't get too excited...

Apparently, the scale suffered some major injury during our trip to Ohio and is now mocking me with an insanely low number - thanks scale!

So, now I need to decide whether to replace Mr. Scale with an actual working model, or if I should continue along my merry way with a delightful cloud of ignorance surrounding me.

I know, I know, if I'm going to continue along towards my (now seemingly impossible) goal of losing 50 pounds before my next birthday, I'm going to need a scale to keep track of my progress. 

Ugh!

Some Changes

Well, I still haven't found my scale, which means I still haven't weighed myself.  I can tell that I've gained weight - some of us are just blessed/cursed with the ability to gauge when our bodies change (usually for the worse, because I'm the last one to notice when I lose weight).

As we continue to settle in, I kind of feel like I'm in a perpetual state of limbo.  I don't have a schedule, I am not working yet, every day is different - things that are not conducive to eating healthy and getting into an exercise routine.  

I realize that I need to get myself into a routine ASAP...it's just been hard.  But, I think I've found new motivation to better my eating habits....

My mom, who continues to battle various ailments, recently tested her body's pH balance.  She found after a week of daily tests (consisting of peeing on some paper) that her body is highly acidic. 

I've done a little research on this, and I have to say, I was shocked to learn that diseases thrive in an acidic environment.  Cancer, viruses, bacteria...they love acid!

So, in an attempt to ward off a recurrence of cancer, as well as the various other symptoms of an acidic body that are no fun (weight gain, diabetes, depression, chronic fatigue, compromised immune system, etc.) she is drastically changing the foods that she's eating.

At her suggestion, I also decided to check my body's pH - I figured it couldn't hurt, and if I was off, I wanted to give myself a chance to fix it!

So, this morning, I peed on a little strip of paper, compared it to the chart on the test package, and found that I am also on the acidic end of the spectrum.  Ideally, we want to be at about a 7.0.  I was at a 5.5 - uh oh!  This now means that tomorrow I will be making a trip to the grocery store to stock up on some high alkaline foods, in an attempt to get myself closer to 7.0 on the pH scale.  It also means that I'll be attempting to either cut out (or limit) the acidic foods that I so love (coffee, chocolate, dairy products, beef - just to name a few).

I'll continue to check my pH over the next few days - it's possible that today was a fluke...maybe???

I'm hoping that forcing myself to be more conscious of what I'm eating (as I attempt to neutralize my body's pH) will help me, once again, jump start my attempts at weight loss.

As The Scale Hides, So Do I!

Well, it's been a few days since my last entry - I know that I haven't completely fallen off the weight loss wagon, but I fear that as the wagon drives away I'm hanging on with both hands while my legs drag along the ground. 

2 things that are not easy - weight loss and moving.  Now, try doing both simultaneously - if you succeed, then you're stronger than I am.  Anyone who has done any type of long distance drive can attest to the fact that eating healthy foods while on the road is downright tough.  Sure, you can pack a cooler with healthy snacks for day 1, but what happens if you're in the car for more than a day, staying in a hotel, and trying to make good time (which means only stopping at gas stations and fast food joints)?  No excuses, just that if anyone sees a BP station with a salad bar in it - first try it out, and if you don't suffer from a massive bout of food poisoning, please let me know!

My eating schedule has been...hmmm...inconsistent (at best).  I've been eating what's available to me, and considering that we've been in the new place for  4 days and tonight was the first trip to the grocery store that I've made, you can imagine that kind of crap that's been available to me. 

The scale, mercifully, is still hiding in the depths of what I hope will someday transform into an office/guest room, but what currently looks like the warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

In short, I'm disappointed in myself, but have high hopes for redemption.  Though, at the moment, I'm dreading the day when the location of the scale becomes known and I can no longer hide from the reality of weight gain. 

Food As A Reward?

I realized something today.  It's not really a huge surprise, but I finally caught myself in the act, so I'm going to share. 

I use food as a reward - mainly, sweets.  Shocker!

I made very smart food choices today - a healthy sandwich from Subway for lunch, a very reasonable dinner, lots of water, and practically no snacks (which, considering we drove over 400 miles today, is quite an accomplishment). 

So, as we were leaving the restaurant to walk back to our hotel, I decided that I wanted a yummy treat.  Ice cream sounded the best, but I honestly would have gone for just about anything.

As I heard the words beginning to come out of my mouth, I literally stopped myself from saying "I've been good all day, I deserve some ice cream." 

WHAT?!?!?!?!  I deserve some ice cream?!?!?! 

I realized, without any room for denial, exactly what I'm guilty of - I reward myself for good food choices with food - am I crazy?!?!  How counterproductive can I possibly be?  In what universe does food equal a reward?  In what way is that good for anything besides adding to the junk currently residing in my trunk?!?!

Well, long story short, I talked myself out of a tasty treat, and settled for a small handful of Junior Mints (courtesy of my mother-in-law). 

As our trek across the country continues tomorrow, I'm going to try to continue making smart choices, and maybe tomorrow evening I'll even make it to the gym for a workout once we arrive at our hotel (tonight I'm just too tired).

Clothing Options Are Scarce

Yesterday, in my attempt to make a hasty exit from California, I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction with my denim shorts, and...long story short...I popped off 3 teeth of the zipper, thereby ruining them.

Awesome!  I got to drive from California to Salt Lake City with my shorts unzipped (not so bad in the car, but I had to get creative when I got out of the car to get gas or food).  In addition, all my clothes are packed, leaving me now with only one pair of pants for the drive.  Even the neatest person would have trouble keeping the same pair of pants clean for an entire week, and I have never claimed to be the neatest person! 

So, today, while on our 2 day break in SLC with Ben's family, Ben and I headed to Target to try to replace the shorts.  Now, I love Target - it's one of my favorite stores, it has everything, and I'm in there at least once a week (and that's a slow week).  But, after today, I'm completely frustrated with the clothing options for women who happen to be bigger than a size 14.

I will under no circumstances reveal my current clothing size, but I will say I haven't been a size 14 since my senior year of high school.  So, naturally, I gravitate towards the "Womens Plus" section of the store. 

I don't consider myself a terribly picky person when it comes to clothes.  I know what I like, I definitely know what I don't like, and I most often choose function and comfort over fashion.  But, I know selection (or lack of) when I see it, and the selection of plus size clothing at Target was pathetic!  Not only where there practically no shorts/pants except for sweats and gaucho pants, but the one rack that had shorts on it was half regular sizes and half plus sizes - wow, way to make me feel like crap, Target!

Another long story short, nothing I tried on was quite right.  Either the shorts were too short (I like capris or Bermuda shorts the best), or they were too tight, or they just looked dumpy.  So, after I had a quick cry in the fitting room (or as I like to call it "my personal hell") while next door a kid was giving his mom "2 thumbs down" on her potential clothing purchase because she hadn't let him take home a toy that he wanted, I emerged wanting nothing more than to crawl into a hole, or better yet, rewind to yesterday morning when I broke my stupid zipper, so that I wouldn't have to deal with replacing my favorite pair of shorts!

Today is just another reminder that being over weight is not fun.  I swear, stores make it downright difficult to find clothing that is stylish without looking dumpy, or worse, cause people to say "she shouldn't be wearing that" when they see you coming. 

I know that there are stores that have a good plus size selection, but you usually have to pay out the nose for most of it, or you have to go out of your way in search of one of the magical stores that caters to plus size women. 

My point (though it sounds more like a complaint) is that there is no convenience factor in searching for clothing for girls like me with too much junk in the trunk. 

No Weigh In This Week

That's right, I didn't weigh myself this week! 

I'm giving myself a week off, considering how crazy life is right now. 

We spent the entire week cleaning, organizing, packing and loading - hard to imagine that I was concerned about not getting any exercise this week!  Judging by the amount of sweat that I have been sporting over the last 5 days (even though my main role in the loading of the truck was supervisory), I don't think I need to worry about my caloric intake!

I also didn't stress too much about what I was eating this past week.  It was our last week in California, so naturally we were trying to cram in all of our favorite restaurants before the big departure.  Sushi, Mexican, pizza - we had it all (some more than once).  Again, I'm giving myself a pass this week.

Not to worry, as we spend the next several days living out of a suitcase, walking our dog will be a new priority - one we'll all benefit from, seeing as we'll be spending multiple hours per day in the car as we drive from California to Ohio!

A Crazy Week

This is going to be a crazy week.  We're organizing, cleaning, packing, and doing all the things that people do when preparing to move from California to Ohio. 

So, needless to say, exercising and making healthy food choices is pretty low on my list of priorities this week.

Granted, I'm keeping busy - lots of ups and downs (that counts as squats, right?), lots of carrying heavy boxes (weights?), and coming soon to a moving van near me, lots of trips in and out of the house as we shuttle an endless pile of boxes from the living room into the truck (cardio???)

In an effort to not mess up our kitchen too much before we move, we're doing a lot of eating out (at least that's our official story).  Count this as a partial effort to not have extra food lying around, as well as a simultaneous attempt to eat at all of our favorite Lodi/Stockton restaurants before we move. 

Long story short, I'm not looking forward to my weigh in this week - maybe we'll "accidentally" pack the scale before I step onto it on Friday!!!

Weigh In # 11 (late)

Yes, I realize I'm a day late in weighing in.  Actually, I did weigh myself yesterday, so technically I'm just late in posting the results. 

It's been a difficult week - my last at my current job - and incredibly emotional. 

Anyone who has read my blog (or met me) knows that I'm an admitted emotional eater.  Given this week's stress, emotions, and hormones from hell, (and did I mention stress?) it's a wonder that I haven't gained back all 9 pounds that I've lost so far! 

Long story short, I maintained my weight for another week.  I didn't work out as much as I should have (long gone are the daily workouts that I was so proud of in the beginning of my little endeavor), nor did I make the smartest of food choices.

I didn't do my best, but at least (after admitting that) I can move ahead this week with motivation to do better.  I can be secure in the fact that I'm about to be a busy little bee, as we prepare for our move next weekend.  Also, in addition to walking at the park and riding my stationary bike while watching tv, I'm sure to get a workout by packing up and loading an endless array of boxes and household items into a rather large moving truck over the next several days.

Not a loss, but anything's better than gaining it all back!

P.S.  I spent 30 minutes on the bike this evening!

A New Trend

Ok, I know that only a few days ago I was talking about needing to stay away from the weight loss articles that seem to pop up every 5 minutes on the internet and in magazines. 

Well, that was until I saw an article on Yahoo about a new trend in diet foods - larger portions for less calories.

Hello!

Needless to say, it caught my eye and I was compelled to read on.  

Typically any kind of diet food is based on small portions and food that (if you're lucky) tastes vaguely like what it's advertised to be. 

Apparently now, a company called Arctic Zero has an "ice cream" (I put it in quotes because that's what they did in the article - red flag!) that is only 150 calories for an entire pint!

Again, hello!

Now, it boasts all kinds of key words and catch phrases that those of us battling our bodies look for (and dream about) when we try to eat healthy.  "All Natural", "Gluten Free", "Fat Free", "Whey Protein" - you get the idea.  

So, I'm wondering if it's worth a try, or if it will end up being like other diet foods that taste vaguely like they're supposed to.

I know I'm not alone in my battle, not only against my body in general, but against portion sizes.  Everywhere I go, I'm faced with double or triple the amount of food that I need, but I go ahead and see how much of it I can gorge myself on before I explode.

Portion control, you are my nemesis!

Anyway, back to the issue at hand - getting to eat an entire pint of ice cream (as if I need to) without the guilt (or calories) that come from scarfing down a pint of Ben & Jerry's!  It looks like you can order it from Amazon, though I don't know how I feel about having ice cream shipped to me - might be a gooey mess by the time it arrives.

The website is www.myarcticzero.com.

I'm wondering if anyone else has heard of this, tried it, or knows more about it than I do!

I'm tempted!!!!

Articles Don't Help!

Lead story on Yahoo today - "20 Habits Making You Fat".

Really???

That's just what I need - a list of "fat behaviors" to read through.  One of two things happen when I read these evil "lets get healthy, it's easy" articles.  1.)  I think to myself "I do that, I do that too, oh no, I've done this to myself" or 2.)  I read the article only to say "This isn't me, I don't do any of those things".

Either I come away from those articles convinced that my weight problem is of my own doing and that I'm a medley of unhealthy behaviors, or convinced beyond a reasonable doubt that the article has nothing to do with me, and I'm even more confused and frustrated about my weight than I was to begin with - after all, if I don't do the "fat behaviors", I shouldn't be fat, right???

Long story short, I need to stay away from those articles!  I know what unhealthy behaviors are, and I'm pretty sure, using my deductive reasoning skills, that I can figure out what healthier alternatives would be. 

Eat more fruits and vegetables.  Don't choose white bread.  Drink lots of water.  Exercise.  Portion control.

Duh!

These articles make it sound like if you cut out the "fat behaviors" you won't be fat anymore.  Oh, if only that were true, I'd weigh 90 pounds and be on a feeding tube!

*Sigh*

Weigh In # 10

I want for my scale to have sound effects.  I think it would be great to have a voice congratulating me when I've lost weight, though, on the other hand, I'd probably be flung head first into a full-on emotional breakdown if I was greeted with a mocking voice telling me that I'd gained weight.

Either way, I think it could work. 

This morning, for example, I would have loved to her a little congratulatory music or some pre-recorded crowds cheering when I stepped on the scale to find that I'd lost another pound!

You heard it right, folks - 9 pounds down!!!!!

Of course, my scale seems to be a little schizophrenic.  I know that depending on what time of day you weigh yourself, you get a different result.  Well, my scale seems to be taking this to the next level, and is in all likelihood, messing with me!

I weighed myself when I woke up.  I didn't like what I saw, so I decided to wait and weigh myself a little later.  About 2 hours later, I hopped on the scale again, and almost fainted when the number had gone up a pound (no bueno)!!!!  So, I went about my morning, showered, got dressed, and just as an afterthought decided to give the scale one more chance to make me happy (or at least not curl up in the corner sucking my thumb).  This time, thankfully, it showed that I'd lost weight.  Good thing, because I was about 10 seconds from chucking the darn thing through a window!

Anyway, apparently on my weigh in days I need to give the scale a couple of chances to get it right.  Of course, my definition of "getting it right" is showing that I've lost weight =)

For this week, I'm calling it a solid win!  One pound down, which I really needed, and only 41 more to go!!!!

Numbers Don't Lie

As much as I'd love to go on denying it, I'm overweight.  Actually, I'm sure by any standard BMI definition, I'm probably obese.  Lovely!  I can feel my self esteem beginning to soar...oh, no, wait...there it goes...crashing back down to earth where it belongs!

Fortunately for me, (knock on wood), I don't have any weight related medical problems.  I'm sure a physician could look at me and start spouting off the things that I'm more likely to develop than someone who weighs 120 lbs, but at least at this point, I haven't had to deal with high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, or the multitude of other delightful ailments linked to obesity.

Unfortunately, that doesn't keep me from feeling unhealthy, knowing that those darn numbers on the scale are way too high, wanting to be different, and feeling like I'm stuck in a deep hole with no hope of being able to climb out.

I had a (much needed) hard dose of reality a few days ago.  I finally went online to cancel (yet again) my Weight Watchers membership.  *Side note - I haven't been using it, and seeing as we're in money-saving-mode right now, I feel like the monthly membership fee can be better spent on something a little more important.*  So, just for fun (and by "fun" I mean "as a way to torture myself") I pulled up the weight tracker and took at look at my progress roller coaster of weight loss and weight gain over the last year.

Here's the breakdown:
I am currently 10 pounds heavier than I was when I first began Weight Watchers last spring. (Gulp)
I lost about 14 pounds during my first go-round with WW last spring/summer. (Sigh)
Since my "low weight" last summer, I have GAINED a grand total of 32 pounds. (NOOOOOOOOOOO)

The numbers don't lie.  At a certain point, you can't ignore the cold hard truth.

I want to be different.  Honestly!  I want to be thinner (hell, I'd settle for "not so fat").  I want to enjoy going clothes shopping, or God forbid, being able to walk out of the shower without trying desperately to avoid looking at myself in the mirror!

Maybe this is a good thing.  Maybe I need to have these numbers in my head so that when I think about slacking off on my "make good choices" plan, I'll think twice.  Maybe with these figures bouncing around in my consciousness, I'll go those extra 10 minutes on the bike or treadmill, or really push through one more set with the weights.

Oh, how I want to be different.  *Sigh*

Selective Vision

Some people are lucky enough to have selective hearing - they hear only what they want, when they want to.  Is someone saying something unpleasant?  Tune them out!  Don't like the topic of conversation?  Feel free to ignore me!  I have a sneaking suspicion that these people lead quiet peaceful lives.  They might be missing key information, and pissing off their friends and family in the process, but hey, we all make sacrifices. 

I, in the interest of also leading a peaceful, blissfully ignorant life, have begun to hone my selective vision skills. 

Let me elaborate. 

Over the last year and a half or so (might be a little more or less), restaurants have begun listing the nutrition information next to items on a menu.  No, not a separate list of nutrition information (which I've been actively ignoring for years).  Instead, right next to the item on the actual menu, there is a delightful inclusion of calories for that item (and in some cases they feel the need to include fat, sodium, and carbohydrates). 

Talk about sucking the fun out of eating in restaurants!  What once was a source of excitement and pleasure has become an exercise in cleverly avoiding the strategically placed numbers next to my favorite menu items.

Now, rather than order my favorite foods with my mouth watering in anticipation, I feel like I should say "Hi, I'd like the Fiesta Lime Chicken with a side of cellulite", or "I'll try the Honey Crisp Chicken Salad with a cardiogram to follow."  Why can't I just order my food, eat the food, and worry about the caloric ramifications later?

Gone are the days of being able to go to a restaurant and enjoy your food without much consideration for the damage it was doing to your waistline.  Soon to be forgotten is the personal responsibility that we exercise in deciding whether or not to open the evil booklet containing nutrition information at a restaurant.

Is it a conspiracy to permanently destroy the enjoyment of eating in restaurants?  Are they out to get those of us who indulge in food prepared by others?

In any case, I will show them - I'll continue to work on my selective vision techniques, learning to, over time, to ignore those pesky little numbers (however high or low) and just enjoy my food!

Weigh In # 9

Another week has come and gone...again.

I've decided that I really need to embrace the whole "slow and steady wins the race" thing. 

I am not now, nor will I ever be one of those women who gets stressed out and loses weight.  I'll never be able to drop 10 pounds without really trying.  And, I'll probably never be what the American Medical Association suggests should be my "ideal weight".  That's just the reality of being me, and I accept that!

I didn't really do anything special this week.  I exercised, but not every day.  I made some good food choices, along with a few indulgences.  Basically, I'd give myself a B- for the week - I did ok, but I know I can do better.

So, you can imagine my lack of surprise when I reluctantly climbed onto the scale this morning, to find that I'd stayed the same.  No weight gain, but alas, no weight loss. 

I'll do better next week - I'm still down 8 pounds, and it's hard to complain about that!


All I can do is to keep trying to make the evil numbers on the scale keep moving in a downward direction. 

(Is it possible that the numbers on the scale are mocking me?  Cuz it seems like they are!)

A Mermaid Or A Whale?

Every few days, I can expect to see a few random "forwarded" emails from a few of my friends.  Some are funny, some I forward on, and some I read and delete without a second thought.

Today, one of my friends sent me one that not only had me laughing, but also rang so true that I decided to forward it on, and am now blogging about it. 

It was titled "Do You Want to Be a Mermaid or a Whale?"

At first I thought "what the heck has she sent me now???", and reluctantly opened it, with my quivering finger already hovering over the delete button.  As I began to read, my finger settled, and I began to appreciate the words as they unfolded before me. 

Apparently, at a gym in Australia, a summer promotional poster could be seen in a window, displaying a young, thin, tan woman with the caption "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"  A middle-aged woman (looking nothing like the woman on the poster) wrote a letter, answering the question posed by the gym. 

She discussed the fact that whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans).  Whales have an active sex life, give birth to adorable baby whales, and get to play and swim in exotic seas around the world.  Whales are beautiful singers with virtually no predators (besides humans), and are loved, protected and admired by people around the world.

Mermaids, on the other hand, do not exist.  If they did exist, they would suffer from a chronic identity crisis - fish or human?  They don't have a sex life, because, well, where would anything go?  If they don't have a sex life, then they don't have children.  Additionally, they probably aren't too popular, because who wants to hang out with someone that smells like fish.

I realized, after reading this email, that she was absolutely right.  I'd rather enjoy having some ice cream on a hot summer evening, or enjoy a nice dinner without worrying about how many calories I'm consuming.  I'd rather have an active sex life and cute little whale babies.  I'd rather sing and be surrounded by friends (especially if the alternative is being alone because I smell like fish). 

Yes, all things in moderation, but in general, whales live a fuller, happier life, so I consider myself lucky to be a whale!

And Here We Go!

Thus begins another week - another Monday is here, another fresh start, another weigh in to look forward to. 

After a disastrous fall off the wagon last week, I feel like I'm ready to go again. 

I'm back to work, which means that I was back on my old friend, the treadmill, this morning, after a several day absence.  Sure, I swam, and I walked at the park, but somehow the treadmill just feels more productive!

Now that I'm on a set schedule once again, hopefully I'll continue to see results. 

I'm now thinking in terms of "what's next".  I have 3 weeks left of work before Ben and I make our big move to Ohio.  So, I'd like to use that as my "light at the end of the tunnel".  What can I get accomplished in 3 weeks?  Can I stay on track?  Can I go into this move with new found motivation and manage to stay on track during our journey across the country? 

Let's hope so!

I'll worry about the move (and how to keep up with good food choices and exercise) in a few weeks.  For now, I'm focused on the next 3 weeks, staying on track, and seeing more progress!

Weigh In # 8

I'm 2 months in to my attempts at weight loss.  No plan, no diets, just paying attention, making smart choices (and not a few not-so-smart choices), and trying to exercise on a regular basis. 

After a week that threw me for a bit of a loop, I stepped on the scale this morning, not sure of what to expect. 

Fortunately, despite having fallen off the wagon a bit, I am down another pound!  I'm sure that this is, in part, due to the fact that I was sweating profusely for the first half of the week (as no AC will do to you), and spent some considerable time in the pool swimming and paddling around.

So, week #8, and I'm down a total of 8 pounds!!!

Things are on track, and once I'm back in work mode (after a week off), I expect that I'll continue to make progress.

Fingers crossed for continued weight loss in the coming weeks!

Another Glitch

I toyed, this week, with changing things up a bit.  Now that the week is almost done, I'm glad I didn't.  It obviously wasn't meant to be.

Anyone who follows my other blog "Making Lemonade", knows that we've been without air conditioning in our house since Sunday.

I have tried to spend as little time as possible at home, but along with that comes a need for portable food options.  It's hard to cart around containers of fruit and vegetables when you're going to be away from the house for hours on end.  The diet would have suffered, and I, in turn, would have come out on the other end completely frustrated (not to mention hungry).  So, it's probably best that I opted to cut my diet a bit short, and tried to stick with a good portion of fruits and veggies (which I did), while continuing with my normal activities.

I might have allowed myself some fast food for lunch, but that's only because they had air conditioning.  Yes, I might have also indulged in some ice cream, but it was for survival purposes only!  I won't say I didn't enjoy it, because anyone who knows me would know that it's a total lie.
My exercising has also suffered this week.  Something about getting hot and sweaty (or hotter and sweatier) and then coming home to a house that welcomes you with a blast of hot, stagnant air (rather than a burst of cool, refreshing air), and taking a cold shower to only begin sweating as soon as you dry off, just isn't appealing!  I was wiped out, and quite frankly, the last thing in the world I wanted to do was go and work out - it just wasn't in the cards!

So, needless to say, I strayed a bit from my plan this week.

Not to worry, considering the amount of sweat I created in the last 4 days, I'd say I've probably lost a couple pounds in water weight alone! 

I feel confident, however, that now that our AC is up and running, and life is about to resume it's normal chaotic rhythm, that I'll be able to pick up where I left off, and keep right on trucking down this weight loss road.

I'm feeling a bit anxious about tomorrow's weigh in, but hey, that's all part of the process, right?

On Second Thought...

Yesterday was Day 1 of the GM Diet.  I was to eat nothing but fruit, all day. 

I spent a good portion of the day reflecting on my decision to do this week long diet in an attempt to jump start my weight loss. 

It occurred to me that when I first set out to lose 50 pounds in 50 weeks, this is EXACTLY what I said I wasn't going to do.  I wasn't going to embrace a "gimmicky" weight loss plan, or exercise routine.  I was simply going to be conscious of my food choices and portions, exercise on a regular basis, and see what progress I could make.

So, yesterday, I was half motivated to continue with the GM Diet, but at the same time feeling guilty about looking for a "quick fix" instead of my previous attempt at "slow and steady wins the race".

I talked to Ben (who couldn't go 5 minutes without salivating over "actual food") yesterday evening, shared my concerns, and we decided that rather than moving ahead with the GM Diet that we would, instead, use it as a guideline for a healthier menu, but still allow ourselves the "actual food" that we were both so hungry for.

Last night, after eating nothing but fruit all day, Ben went to the store and got beef and vegetable kabobs to cook on the grill.  We didn't add our usual rice or pasta side dish - we just had the kabobs and some more fruit.

As we move forward this week, we will continue to enjoy the fruits and vegetables that filled up our shopping cart at the store on Saturday, but we will also make healthy food choices beyond that.

I feel like I'm back on track (not that I was ever off track), and ready to continue with my earlier plan of eating smart, and keeping up with my exercise. 

No gimmicks here!  Just me vs. the scale!

Shaking Things Up

Today, I begin a week long venture to really shake things up along my weight loss journey. 

First, let me just say, Ben is the best husband ever - he is playing along with me during this week's experiment, so that I don't have to do it alone. 

We are doing the GM Diet.  In case you haven't heard of it (which I hadn't until Friday night), it was created for employees at General Motors through a grant from the FDA, and research done at Johns Hopkins.  It is 7 days long and involves eating different foods each day (fruits, veggies, protein, etc.) and drinking basically nothing but water.

Since I was thinking that I needed to "shake things up" a bit, I did quite a bit of research, looking into detox and cleansing options, and happened across this.  I have a week of (at home) vacation ahead of me, so now is as good a time as any to give something new a try. 

Today, Day 1, we are eating nothing but fruit.  Any fruit, as much as we want (except bananas), all day.


Day 2 is the vegetable day.  After we begin with a baked potato for breakfast (yum), we eat nothing but veggies all day. 

Day 3 is the best of both worlds - fruits and veggies (no bananas, no potato for breakfast).

Day 4 will be interesting - we are to eat bananas, milk, and a vegetable soup that we will make ourselves.

Day 5 will likely feel like a feast - we can eat lean beef (20 oz) and tomatoes!

Day 6 we can eat unlimited lean beef and vegetables

Day 7 we can eat unlimited brown rice, fruit juice and veggies

And so, the journey begins.  Considering it is about 100 degrees outside, eating cool sweet watermelon, apple slices, cantaloupe, pineapple, and grapes all day isn't going to be much of a hardship. 

I have no idea how the rest of the 7 days will go, but hopefully this will be just the jump start I need to "reset my body's computer" and move ahead with my weight loss!

Weigh In # 7

Once again, a certain time of the month has thrust me head first into a week of food cravings, bloating, water retention, and crampy misery.  While I did indulge in (just a few) food cravings, I stuck with my exercise routine, and even changed it up a bit this week. 

So, this morning, when I stepped onto the scale, I was (once again) pleased to find that the number had not gone up since last week.

Thus far, on week 7, I am officially down 7 pounds!

I talked a few days ago about feeling like I need a jump start.  I still feel this way.  I don't want to lose my motivation, since I am continuing to make progress (however slow), but I do want to shake things up a bit.

As of this evening, I am officially on vacation for a week.  Since I'm not going anywhere, I think that this is a perfect opportunity to implement a "jump start" program - given that I won't be bogged down with the daily routine that comes with taking care of kids!  I'm lucky if I can get in 3 meals a day while I'm working, so hopefully during my time off, I can truly give this whole "eat 5 small meals per day" thing a try. 

Along these same lines, I will attempt to change what I've been eating.  This weekend I will hit the grocery store (trying hard to avoid the cookout and s'mores fixin's that the stores have on display leading up to the 4th) and stock up on fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts, and some lean proteins for dinner.  We'll see how it goes - but I do know that if I don't have healthy foods on hand, I'll raid the pantry and dig out all the unhealthy crap that lives there.

I'm also planning on adding to my exercise routine.  I've begun spending time on the stationary bike that I bought for myself a few years ago (but hasn't gotten used as much as I thought it would).  It's been nice to change up the cardio a little bit - I'm amazed that I seem to burn more calories (according to the little gauge on the bike) than I do when I'm on the treadmill.  In any case, I'll continue to alternate the bike, the treadmill, walking at the park, and swimming laps in the pool - possibly even 2 in the same day!

So, here we go - into week 8...wish me luck!

Jump Start

I have hit the wall.

I think I've officially reached the point at which I need to shake things up, or risk losing what little motivation I have left and creeping back to my old ways.

Yes, I know that weight lost gradually is more likely to stay off, and yes, I'm currently ahead of my "one pound each week" goal, but I'm still acutely aware of the fact that my enthusiasm is waning. 

I need a jump start.  I need something fresh, something new to try, something to re-light the fire under my tushy!

So, now the question becomes, how do I do it?  What can I do to feel like I'm doing more?  I hadn't planned on trying a specific "diet" or forcing myself into some kind of gimmicky exercise plan.  I was hoping to pay more attention to what I'm eating (and how much I'm eating), make a conscious effort to keep moving, and hopefully see results.

One thing I've been more aware of in the last few weeks is diet.  There are always news stories, magazine articles, and commentary online about what kind of foods we should be eating.  My question is, as one who admittedly doesn't eat enough fruits, vegetables, fiber (the list goes on) on a regular basis - how do people do it?  Seriously?  How do people manage to get daily portions of fruits, vegetables, nuts, whole grains, and healthy fats?  What does a day in that life look like? 

I like fruit and (most) vegetables as much as the next person, but at a certain point, don't you get sick of them?  There are only so many ways to prepare those foods - how do you not go crazy feeling like you're eating the same exact things every day?

I've always struggled with the idea that you have to eat multiple smaller meals throughout the day, rather than the standard 3 meals, to lose weight.  I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that one.  So, now, I'm struggling with how to eat a diet consisting of mainly grains, fruits and veggies - how do I do that?!?!?!

It's so tempting to stray from my path, but I can't decide if it's because I need a change, or because I'm getting restless and want faster results. 

Either way, I'm going to take a long hard look at some sample menus and consider making some big dietary changes starting next week. 

Any thoughts?

Weigh In # 6

Today is the day - another week in the books, another showdown with the scale.

As the stress of daily life, finances, and our upcoming move start to get to me, I feel like my emotional eating took over a bit this week.  The long, hot days of summer seem to blur my decision making process, and suddenly it's more about what sounds good than what is good.

So, this morning, after a brisk walk at the park with Ben and the dog, I came home and approached the dreaded scale.  To my delight, I found that I have lost another pound!

I am on week 6, and so far I've lost 7 pounds total!!!

While it is frustrating to chip away so slowly at the extra pounds that I long to be rid of, I am pleased to see the numbers in the scale continuing to move in a happy direction.

43 lbs to go, but for now I'm really looking forward to hitting the 10 lb mark!!!

My Road Block

Everywhere I look, there are articles, ads, commercials - you name it - geared towards weight loss. 

It seems that any time I click to Yahoo there is always some new weight loss article that catches my eye.  "Five Ways to Boost Your Metabolism", "Try These Moves For Perfect Abs", "Fitness Myths De-Bunked"...and the list goes on.

Of course, I do tend to click into the article (just to browse the bullet points), take a look at the exercises or tips for weight loss success, then click back out, more convinced than ever that nobody really knows how to lose weight - it's one big guessing game! 

Some suggestions you hear only once, while others keep resurfacing, making you believe (or want to believe) that there is some credibility to their claim. 

One such "friendly weight loss tip" that I always seem to come across is that eating more frequently is a good way to find success.  WHAT?!?!?!?!  Eating more to lose weight???  You want me to increase the amount of food I eat and expect to drop the pounds?  Are you insane?!?!?!?!

I literally hit a mental block with that one.  Maybe it's just me, but I find it hard to believe that if I eat more food that I'll lose weight.  I just can't wrap my head around it.  Yes, I realize that they don't mean that you can eat junk and expect to get thinner, but nevertheless, I don't get it! 

Growing up, we had 3 meals a day, maybe a snack after school, and that was it.  There was no junk food before dinner, no snacking in the evenings.  3 meals, and if you didn't eat, then you went hungry. 

Sure, snacking throughout the day would be loads of fun, but who has that kind of time?  Unless it's pre-packaged, pre-cooked, pre-sliced, or handed right to me in a ready-to-eat fashion, I simply won't do it.  I have enough other things happening during the day, the idea of taking time to eat something (nutritious) is just overwhelming.  

Maybe I've been pre-programmed to the "3 meals a day" protocol.  Maybe I just don't get it.  Maybe I'm just too terrified that if I eat (even healthy things) throughout the day that I'll gain weight. 

In any case, it's a road block that I haven't been able to overcome.

Weigh In # 5

Here we are, another week has gone by, and it's weigh in day. 

As I suspected would be the case, there was no change on the scale from my belated weigh in on Tuesday and this morning. 

But...I'm still losing weight, and I'm currently 1 pound ahead of my goal!  I'm hoping to drop 50 pounds in 50 weeks - I'm on week 5 and I've already lost 6 pounds. 

I am certainly seeing a pattern as the pounds come off - lose a few, stay the same, lose a few, stay the same...I just can't decide if this is a good thing, or just really annoying!

The remarkable thing is that I've lost this little bit of weight by doing the treadmill and hand weights. 

I chose the treadmill because it's the one mode of exercise that I don't absolutely hate, and the hand weights because, well, my arms need some help and I figured the treadmill wasn't enough by itself!  Lately, however, I've been wondering whether I need to integrate an alternate form of exercise into my routine.  Yes, I'm seeing some results, but I wonder if I'd see more results if I changed it up a bit. 

The challenge will be finding another type of exercise that I can do on a regular basis without getting frustrated.  I've tried so many different workouts, I can't seem to find my niche! 

So, for now, I'll just stick with the treadmill, because at least I'm seeing results every other week.  As long as the pounds keep coming off, I'll be happy.

Such a great feeling to see the number on the scale going in the right direction!

Getting Back On Track

Exactly what I was afraid would happen has happened. 

We took our trip to Ohio, I got out of my routine and now I'm having trouble getting back into "weight loss  mode".  Yes, I walked over 15 miles during Relay, and yes, I've been paying (some) attention to what I'm eating, but there's been a break in the program.  I feel like I'm starting over, even though I was only "off track" for a week. 

I'm pretty sure this is the point at which many people lose focus and give up.  They've seen some results (but nothing major), they're past the initial high of "Go me, look at what I'm doing!", and all it takes is one illness, one change in the schedule, or one lazy day to throw the entire plan out the window. 

At least I'm aware of it.  I see my weakness, I see where this dangerous road is leading (straight to the refrigerator), and I'm addressing it now before I'm so far off course I can't even remember what I was doing.  So, moving forward, I'll just have to keep reminding myself of my goal, so that maybe when I'm considering blowing off a workout, or having frozen yogurt with the kids (which I did today), I'll think twice.

I will prevail - I just need to find a way to get this chubby choo-choo back on track!

Belated Weigh In

We returned to California last night, after a long day of travel and a whirlwind visit in Ohio.  Whew - I'm exhausted! 

But, once I'd gotten a good night's sleep, my first order of business was to get my tushy on the scale!

The consistent workout schedule while in Ohio didn't exactly work out the way I thought it would, but hey, I walked (what we've estimated) about 15 miles between Friday and Saturday, so I'm still feeling pretty good. 

So...drum roll please....I'm down 3 more pounds!!!!! 

I realize that the results for this week's weigh in might be slightly skewed (since I plan to weigh in again on Friday), but in general, I couldn't be more pleased!

This morning I picked right back up with walking on the treadmill, so hopefully that will continue to be productive.  I'm just so glad that I had been working out leading up to Relay - otherwise I'm pretty sure Ben would have needed to carry me through the airports yesterday!

Feeling good - looking forward to losing the first 10 pounds!!!

No Gimmicks!

Sunday is infomercial day.  This morning at the hotel, I was flipping channels, and somehow got distracted and stopped on an infomercial for a weight loss plan. 

Now, I've seen my fair share of infomercials, and have even caught myself thinking "Wow, I wonder if that really works" or "Hmmmm, I could give that a try".  Fortunately for me, my thrifty nature (and common sense) pulls me back to reality before I can whip out my credit card!

This particular infomercial, however, seemed especially far fetched.  You sprinkle what looks like powdered sugar on "all your favorite foods" (as the annoying voice-over man explains), and you miraculously lose weight.  Um, yeah right!

As I tuned in and listened to what the magical pixie dust claimed to do, I realized how many gimmicks there are for weight loss. 

Sprinkle this on your food and you'll lose weight.  Eat this special combination of food and the pounds will just melt off your body.  Use this machine (or that one) and you'll be tone in no time. 

No matter how bizarre and unbelievable the claims appear, there are people willing to give the product a try.  I'm sure if there was someone out there claiming that if you eat a soup while standing on your head whistling the Star Spangled Banner you'd drop 10 pounds, there would be a line of people signing up. 

It's not so much that people are gullible (though many are), but I think it's more to do with laziness.  We just don't want to do the work to lose weight.  We want there to be a magic solution, a secret trick, a breakthrough that changes everything without any effort on our part.  

We forget that we didn't gain the weight overnight, so how can we expect to lose it overnight? 

As I return to my daily routine in California, I look forward to continuing with my daily exercise, and hope (please, oh pretty please) to continue to see the numbers on the scale go down. 

No gimmicks for me, just good old fashioned blood, sweat and tears (but mostly sweat).

Weight In # 4

Well, I've hit a little bit of a snag.  My parents do not have a scale at their house.  So, despite the fact that I stuck with my exercise routine, I won't be able to weigh in until I return to California on Monday night. 

Something tells me that I'll be down another couple of pounds, but we'll have to just wait and see. 

On a happy note, Relay For Life is going incredibly well!  There were severe thunderstorms in the forecast, and by some miracle, they passed us by with little more than a light drizzle.

We began walking at about 6:00 p.m., and finally left the track at about 1:00 a.m.  Needless to say, I didn't walk the entire time, but I'd say that I probably did between 5 and 6 miles - Ben and I even walked from 11:00 - 12:00 non-stop (except for a quick potty break).

So tonight, my feet are sore, my hips hurt, and I'm guessing that even getting from the bed to the bathroom will be a challenge in the morning. 

Tonight, as I walked lap after lap, I realized how lucky I am that I've been walking daily on the treadmill.  I've realized that the treadmill is a bit easier than walking on solid ground, but at least I've gotten myself into better shape in the last month - I can't imagine how much I'd be hurting if I went into this weekend with no prep work!

For now, I'm looking forward to a few hours of sleep, rest for my poor feet, and a fresh start tomorrow.

Looking forward to a weigh in on Monday night!

Waiting For Results

I'm ready for some results!  I've been exercising every day (something I never could have imagined that I'd do), and watching what I eat for almost a month, and now I'm ready to see some changes.

While there have been subtle changes (I have more energy, I feel better, etc.), there is nothing better than the first comment you get from someone who has noticed that you've lost weight.  And I'm ready for that!

A few nights ago, Ben and I stood for a few minutes, studying my face, because it looked to me that my (always chubby) cheeks were looking slightly thinner.  Yes, this was a nice feeling, but I'm just ready for something more than having to ask "does my face look less chubby to you?"

I know I need to just stick with it - losing weight slowly over time is going to be better in the long run than dropping 15 pounds and then struggling to keep it off.  I really do know and accept all that - I just want to see a difference now!  I want my clothes to be looser.  I want to wake up and not see a double chin glaring at me from my reflection.  I want to be able to connect my bra on a the next smaller hook!

The best I can do is stick with my routine, knowing that it's better than the alternative.  The logical side of my brain reminds me that I will see results eventually, meanwhile, the emotional part of my brain makes me want to stomp my feet and whine about it not happening fast enough.

On a slightly related note, since I recently admitted my insecurities about flying (and stressing about whether I'll fit in the seats), last night Ben and I boarded a plane on our way to Ohio.  I had the opportunity to upgrade us to first class (totally worth it for Sacramento to Houston) then we were blessed to have a not full flight from Houston to Cleveland.  The good news: I wasn't sandwiched in between Ben and a total stranger, and was able to buckle my seat belt.  The bad news: I had to struggle.  Hope to have better luck on our return flight on Monday!

Weigh in on Friday - fingers crossed again!

Shopping Success...Sort Of

There are few things that can dampen one's motivation more than a shopping trip.  Unfortunately, yesterday, it couldn't be avoided.  

I recently went through my closet and pulled out enough clothes to fill several garbage bags.  While some of the items were just worn out, most of them flat out didn't fit me anymore, so it was time that they go.  It was a wonderful cleansing exercise, but in the end, I realized that I probably couldn't get by with one pair of jeans and black gaucho pants that I've had since roughly 2005.

So, I ventured into a few different stores, hoping to find some cheap replacements for the clothes I just purged from my wardrobe.

Since I'm convinced that fitting room mirrors are evil, I had to rely on Ben's opinion more than my own on how I looked. Fortunately, he was pretty honest about the things I tried on.  He would veto or approve pants, shirts, and was a really good sport about it.  I, in turn, tried not to take things personally when clothes didn't fit or he didn't like them.  One shirt in particular, had a drawstring under the bust line, to accentuate the smallest part of the torso.  I understand the thought process behind those tops, but somehow I always feel like I'm in maternity clothing - and I really don't think I can handle someone asking me when I'm due, especially since I'm not even pregnant!  Poor Ben confirmed my fears when I asked him "Does it make me look pregnant?", and he replied "A little" quickly adding "but not for long!".  Bless his heart - needless to say, that shirt was returned to the rack.

By the end of the day, I had made some progress.  I purchased a sleeveless shirt (that Ben picked out), 2 pairs of capri pants, and 2 light weight zip up tops (for layering).  While it was something of a success, I was really in my head about the whole thing.  I was frustrated to be the same size, and hating the way I looked in everything.  Even though I was completely drained, I continue to look forward to the day that clothes shopping is slightly less traumatic!

The next several days will be something of a challenge, at least leading up to Relay on Friday and Saturday.  I literally haven't missed a day of exercise, so I'm not about to start now.  I'll just need to get creative with exercise in Ohio!

I'm already looking forward to my weigh in on Friday - I hope I can trust the scale at my parents' house!

Weight In # 3

Let me start this week's weigh in post with a brief pat on the back for myself.  I have busted my tail, made good food choices, and have done something active every day for 3 weeks.  Whether it's weights, hitting the treadmill, or walking a few miles with the dog - I've been moving!

Today's weigh in could have been a little frustrating, but I'm not letting it get to me. 

I stepped on the scale this morning, and the number had crept up .5 pounds.  Yes, I'm blessed (or cursed) to have a scale that measures in half pounds. 

But, as I said, I'm not letting the fact that I didn't lose anything this week get to me, for a couple of reasons. 

#1 - I'm still on track.  I've lost 3 pounds in 3 weeks, which was exactly my goal!

#2 - I'm feeling good, and really have not had too much trouble staying motivated - hopefully that will continue.

#3 - Considering the fact that I've been experiencing bloating, water retention, food cravings, and numerous other delightful symptoms associated with PMS, I'm counting this week as a victory (because it could have been a lot worse).

Now, looking ahead to the weekend and next week - I see a few challenges. 

First, it's supposed to rain all weekend, which will make walking the dog at the park a little difficult (and soggy).  So, I'll either have to get creative with exercise at home, or stick with the treadmill. 

Second, we leave Tuesday night to fly to Ohio to participate in Relay For Life with my mom.  While I know that during Relay on Friday and Saturday I'm going to walk miles upon miles upon miles, I'm concerned about getting some exercise in during the rest of our trip.  I'm somewhat torn between not wanting to overdo it with Relay, but wanting to keep the motivation going.  Also, with no exercise equipment on hand, I'll have to get creative with what I do!

For now, however, I'm going to be happy that I didn't gain more than half a pound this week, and look forward to an Ohio weigh in next Friday!

Stress I Don't Need

Being overweight makes everything more complicated.  For those of us who are self conscious, insecure, and uncomfortable in our own skin, most normal activities don't come easily to us - everything is a chore!

The obvious nightmare is shopping.  Clothes, bras, bathing suits (gulp) - if I'm brave enough to venture into a changing room with my potential purchases, it almost always ends in tears.  Over the years, I've learned that it's just easier to shop online, and try it on in the confines of my own bedroom, where I can laugh or cry in private.

Almost as stressful as clothes shopping is eating in public.  Restaurants are bad enough - I always feel like if I order anything but a salad the "chubby police" will come and issue me a ticket for reckless consuming.  Now, occasionally, Ben and I will go for ice cream (or frozen yogurt).  God forbid!!!!  I can just feel the eyes on me, and can almost hear people thinking "Oh, yeah, like she needs to be eating that!"  Maybe this is just my own insecurity talking, but there it is just the same. 

While it's probably not surprising that I find these seemingly simple activities stressful, this next one may come as more of a shock. 

Nowadays, many people are nervous about flying.  Between lines at security, delays, layovers, mechanical difficulties, and those darn terrorists - it's gotten to be something of a headache.  While I am still plagued by all these factors when traveling, the thing that seems to get me the most worked up is the actual riding in the plane. 

I hate (yes, using the H word) airplane seats.  For days leading up to my travels, I worry and stress about whether I'm actually going to fit in the seat, and if I'll be able to get the seat belt fastened!  As someone with broad shoulders, long legs, and wide ("birthing") hips, I can't remember the last time I was actually comfortable on an airplane.  I don't know who they had in mind when they designed those silly little seats, but it certainly wasn't a grown adult taller than about 5'2! 

And don't get me started on what happens if  I happen to be seated next to someone else who is less than petite.  I hate fighting for the arm rest, or worse, being next to the guy who just assumes the armrest is his, and has no qualms about planting his elbow squarely in my ribs.

At least when I travel with Ben, we can put up the armrest between us, so that I can "overflow" into his personal space, rather than into the poor soul on my other side.  Gone are the days of having empty seats on a plane, when there was often a middle seat with no occupant, and you could spread out a little bit and relax. 

So, with our trip to Ohio coming up next week, the stress has already taken hold.  I'm wondering who will be next to me during our red-eye flight (and if I'll have to plaster myself to Ben in an attempt to keep all the parts of me from wandering into someone else's seat), how big the seats will actually be, and whether I'll be able to click the seat belt without having to suck in my stomach until my face turns red and I see stars!

I know that there's not much I can do about it - I'll be the same size on Tuesday no matter what, unless I chop off one of my arms, but even that wouldn't affect how the darn seat belt fits anyway! 

Instead of contemplating amputation any further, I'll keep plugging along with what I'm doing, while fantasizing about the day that I don't have to worry about whether my tushy will fit comfortably into the seat! 

Weight in # 3 tomorrow - fingers crossed!!!